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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I don't know. It has been too long.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  I don't know.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I DON'T KNOW.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  I don't know.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I don't know. I don't know what my situation is. I don't know what I could do. I don't know what to fucking do.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I'll feel like shit. And I'll keep going, I suppose.
  I don't know. Maybe proud. I can't think. I don't know. I was proud today. But it only fell away to more urges.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

You know, I never really understood this question.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  He ignores me.
  He lied to me.
  I thought I was his friend.
  But now I can see the truth.
  I can see it so clearly.
  I can't believe how blind I was before.
  We're all just his toys.
  His playthings.
  And when he gets tired of us, he throws us down into the dirt.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I dealt with it by talking to him about it. He apologized and started being nicer to me. Then he got bored with me. Repeat.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  Oh god I don't fucking know!! I HATE MY FUCKING HEAD!
• How do I feel right now?
  SHIT FUCKING SHIT
  WORTHLESS, HELPLESS, HOPELESS, WHINY, ATTENTION-SEEKING, BITCHY, PARANOID, TIRED, EXHAUSTED, SO FUCKING DONE!!
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  I will feel relief. I don't know, though. I will just feel better. Oh god I want the blood and the pain. Oh I want it so bad.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  I can't think that far ahead. I can't even think now.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I want to break away from him. But I can't. His best friend/fuckbuddy is my close friend, and his girlfriend is my best friend.
  They are blind to him now.
  But they'll see. Oh yes, they will see.
  When he tires of them as well, and he drops them.
  Oh they'll see.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  No. I don't need to. But I want to.

"AND DON'T IT ALWAYS SEEM TO GO
THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT TILL IT'S GONE
THEY PAVED PARADISE AND PUT UP A PARKING LOT
HEY HEY HEY
PAVED PARADISE AND PUT UP A PARKING LOT.

I DON'T GIVE IT, WHY YOU WANNA GIVE, WHY YOU WANNA GIVING IT ALL AWAY, HEY HEY HEY
NOW YOU WANNA GIVE IT, AH SHE WANTS TO GIVE IT ALL AWAY.
CAUSE YOU'RE GIVING IT ALL AWAY... YEAH YEAH"

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?


You know, I never really understood this question.

The idea behind this question is that the urge to self injure is fundamentally an urge to cope or to feel better. What else can you do to help yourself cope or feel better that is healthy?

It sounds like a really tough situation. I hope things get easier for you.

Woah that is quite a Before to read. I'm so sorry you're feeling that way, has doing this helped you out somehow though into knowing what you need?

Jason

Yes, typing it out did help, I think, Jason. It was quite the Before to feel as well. I ended up being strong, though! I should fill out one of those After the Urge Passes things later...

Thanks for reading!

(I figured I didn't need a new thread for this.)

After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.

• Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
  Yes. I was super stressed and overwhelmed and unable to recognize my feelings.
• If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
  Stress, tension, anxiety -- Now that they've passed, I can 'see' them better.
• What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
  I waited it out. Not very much fun, honestly.
• Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
  Nope. I would have liked to use others, but at the moment, I think it was the only one I could have used.
• If No - What coping skills got me through?
  I just distracted myself. Oh, and I talked to the person that was making me feel that way. I'm not very convinced, but it did help a little.
• Why do I think they worked?
  They distracted me.
• How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
  I'm not sure, honestly. Because confronting him is pretty much a last resort. And I don't like to do it often. I guess I can just try to not get as stressed.

you did really well, beating those urges.
did you reward yourself in some way? you should. you deserve somethign good right now.

-clouds

PassingCloud wrote:you did really well, beating those urges.
did you reward yourself in some way? you should. you deserve somethign good right now.

-clouds

Thanks, Clouds, . The problem is, I have no idea how to reward myself!

When one does not know...

CHOCOLATE

Jason

Chaocontrol6 wrote:When one does not know...

CHOCOLATE

Jason

Thank you. *runs off to find M&Ms*