bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I... I don't know.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It will make me slip up for the first time in three days. It will take away skin on my arm. It will take away this freakish sudden feeling of abandonment and fear and loneliness.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel secure and safe and warm and fuzzy. Probably closer while simultaneously taking a large leap away, if that makes sense.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  Probably a couple days. Then I'll probably wait a little amount of time and repeat this process.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could... write? I don't know. I don't feel like writing. I can't run- it's too dark, too late. I could talk to someone, but there's no one to really talk to that SI doesn't absolutely disgust. If I don't SI, there'll really be no difference at all in the situation, just a difference in myself.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I'll feel pain on my arm? If I don't, there will be a distinct absence of physical pain?
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  Nothing. Absolutely nothing has brought me to this point. I have 0 clue where this damn urge came from.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  I"ve posted around here on BUS. I can... I don't know!
• How do I feel right now?
  Lonely.
  Scared.
  Terrified.
  Afraid.
  Panicked.
  Stressed.
  Fidgety.
  Abandoned.
  Lonely, again.
  Tense.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  No, because I DON'T KNOW WHY I WANT TO SI RIGHT NOW.
  THIS URGE HAS COME FROM NOWHERE.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

Yes. Dear God, yes.

I want to feel secure and safe and warm and fuzzy.

This might sound silly, but what about curling up with a fuzzy blanket? Just hiding out for a while?


It's really hard when the urge feels like it came out of nowhere. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of really intense emotions right now. It sounds really hard.

That actually sounds like a really, really good idea. The problem is is that if I stay downstairs I can't SI, because my tools are upstairs in my room. To snuggle up and hide away I'd have to go into my room. But I'll try it before I go to bed, or maybe even before I may SI.

Thank you so much.

i didn't see an after post for you, good job on taking the step to fill this out, i know it helped me a while ago when i'd get an urge for seemingly no reason