write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It'll stop me from feeling stuck, so I can get on with something, even if it's just reading over some theory that I don't fully need yet. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll take away this brick wall I feel is in front of me that I can't push out of the away, but it'll take away the fact that I am doing quite well with being SI-free and I can't ruin that...again... - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to be able to focus on something without SI being in the way (or at least to be able to get on with the work even if the thoughts are going to be there) Hurting myself would get me closer to that feeling for now as I can get on with the work, but then in the long run, away from that feeling because the pain will be there again and the thoughts will just get stronger. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will last me until the end of the school day where I can catch the bus and go home, but I bet if I tried to get on with my schoolwork at home the urges will come again and I'd have to lay on my bed constantly listening to my music until I can do something, until I feel safe. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could go for a walk, or read over some news articles, however that would take me time and that is too long to actually do some work now. EUGH! - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I think either way if I hurt myself or not I'd still end up with urges later on, so I'm not sure what to do right now
- what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to be able to get on with something other than having to constantly think about urges, that would make me feel good about myself.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Because I've sat here for nearly 45 minutes now unable to look at my Highway Code book and I can't even do that, neither can I do anymore of my other coursework or whatever, it isn't fair!
- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have many times, but most of the times I'd just go and cut myself because it feels like the easier option, because things feel easier that way. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've had a drink, I've had something to eat, I've gone outside for a bit for a breather, I've looked at funny stuff online, and I can't think of anything else right now. - How do I feel right now?
Annoyed that I can't seem to do what everyone else on this table is doing which is...work!!! - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
That feeling of focus again, that I can concentrate on myself rather than these blasted thoughts!! - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
That annoyingly I can get on with the work and I can concentrate. Tomorrow morning I'll probably have the pain remind me of what I've done and will make me guilty. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Not really avoid it, but dealing with it, it's just the same, try and get on with it, but I can't!! - Do I need to hurt myself?
I don't know...only 50 minutes left of school, that's all...
