BEFORE

[chero]

Before:

Before You Self-Harm

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i don't thikn the situation will change but my feelings would be better for awhile if i did it.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  i just need some place to put this anxiety i'm feeling. it'll bring a sense of calm to me and maybe that will get me through this situation.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i want to feel validated. that's what i want. if i cut then i'll validate myself.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  probably not long. it's never long enough anymore. but maybe i'll figure out a new way by the next time?!?!?!
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  ???????
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  i'll feel terrible tomorrow. nothing will change the situation...not even cutting. i hate that. it's not fair.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i really want to scream and yell and hurt the people that hurt me. i want to pack my bags and get in my car and never look back. it's not fair.



[*]Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i hate being treated unfairly. i hate myself for caring. i shouldn't care what people think. i need the punishment cutting brings and i need to hurt myself worse than they hurt me. nobody can hurt me worse than i can hurt myself.

[*]Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
i didn't do anything...eventually it passed because i stuffed it all inside.

[*]What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i tried getting away alone and playing the piano but i couldn't focus. i could go to bed and hope i fall asleep.

[*]How do I feel right now?
i feel shakey and nervous and scared and sad and like the worst person in the world.

[*]How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
sad because i know if anyone found out they'd be mad.

[*]How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
after i'll feel numb, calm, okay. tomorrow....probably shame

[*]Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
it's life....how can you avoid that? i wish i knew how to deal???

[*]Do I need to hurt myself? [/list]
I DON'T KNOW!?

[LBC]

Hi Chero

Sorry I'm a little late...how did you do? Did posting here help?

Just a question...how is cutting an act of self-validation? If you're seeking to validate yourself...can you think of some affirmations that you might use? Or a list of things that you really like to do, so that when you need self-validation like this you could say something like: "Okay, I'm feeling crappy and that's okay. I'm still a good person, and I give myself permission to _______ (play the piano, watch a movie, whatever) instead of cutting."

As for what you can do as as distractions...there's a massive list in Sourcebook that might help. I like to do something like Suduko or online Scabble...something that forces me to use the logical part of my mind and get out of that really emotional headspace.

I'm glad you posted here. I hope it helped.

Take gentle care.