bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i'll feel calmer, more relaxed, better able to cope
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  as usual it'll bring a snese of calm and peace, it'll make me feel lie i got what i deserved. it'll take away the ability i have to be objective in my job
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  further. i don't know how i want to feel in the long run becasue there's no specific situation, but i know SI will make me feel worse long term.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  it'll be temporary, but the reasoning is that it'll give me enough strength to start fighting again, even if i know that isn't logical.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  gym, walk, art, fix the gamecube, go back to bed. nothing will change the situation, there is no situation.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  crap eother way, if i dont SI i'll still hae the urges, if i do then i'll feel guilty.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  i want to cry, i want to get angry becasue i'm fed up of feeling so low

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  nothing specific, lots of little things over the last few weks, but mostly having time off of work i guess
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  i ride out the urge, but i'm struggling to remember why i'm doing that, and why that's better than the relief i gt from SI
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  relaxation, breakfast, bus, everyhting eeps coming back to me feeling yrgey though adn i get more frustrated each time
• How do I feel right now?
  angry
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  calm
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  guilty, relieved
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  nope
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  i feel like i deserve it, and i feel lie i want it but my head is telling me that it's not allowed because of work.