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My first after. I'd like to say the last, but... well, one step at a time. As always, any and all comments are welcome.

After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
Slips are chances to learn. You figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. So instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• Have you taken care of your physical wounds? If not, go do that now. We'll wait.
  Ya
• What had happened just before?
  So much. My best friend, one of the only (irl) people I can really talk to, got dumped by her boyfriend, was suicidal and I was really scared for her safety.
• What were you thinking and feeling?
  I was scared. Not just for her, but for how I would be able to cope if anything happened to her. I'm only as strong as I am because I know how strong she is. Then ashamed that I was worried more about myself than I was about her.
• Why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? Was there an event that was the final straw? What was it?
  It had been building up for a while. I had been trying to call my friend to talk about it, but she needed my support. I didn't want to put my issues on top of her's. I don't want her worrying about me right now. As long as she is alright.
• How did the situation get to the final straw stage? Trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. Look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  My friend emailed me about her break up and how upset she was. I called her. We talked. I made sure she was alright. Then talked to my roommate. I could have made the decision to talk to my roommate about it and, she would have understood. I just couldn't. I hate to put my problems on other people.
• Were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? Can you address those in the future? How?
  No
• What other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? How well did they work?
  I tried talking to my roommate. It didn't work very well. I just can't seem to talk about it with her. She knows I've SIed in the past. I guess, maybe, I just don't want her worrying about me. Which I know is completely irrational because if I told her not to worry I don't think she would. She would be great about it. She would listen and she'd be there for me. I just can't get past my own head and talk to her.
• In retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? What were they?
  Talking. Being honest when my roommate asked me if I was alright and if there was anything I wanted to talk about.
  Writing. I should have written down my insecurities about talking to her first because now I see that it was stupid not to just talk to her about it.
• Name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  I don't know.
• How do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? Is it resolved? If not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  Not much better. It's not resolved at all. I'm still worried about my friend and I still haven't talked to my roommate. I guess the only way to get to a resolution would be to get over worry about my roommate's reaction and just tell her. I don't know what to do with my friend. I don't think I can do anything. I just have to hope she stays safe and continue to wait by my phone if she needs someone to talk to.
  
  
• Are you likely to be in that emotional place again? How will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  Ya. Nothing changed by SIing. I'm still as emotional wrenched and confused as I was before.
  
  
• What will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? List three specific things you will commit to trying.
  1. Talking
  2. Writing
  3. Sleeping... somehow that always seems to clear my head

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  I was tired of being stuck in my head. I knew what would help and I did it.
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  It was right there. I got up, grabbed my wallet, and went to the bathroom.
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  I don't know. I probably would have tried extremely hard to make an opportunity. If I couldn't I probably would have just curled in a ball and tried to fall asleep as quickly as possible.
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  I'm almost positive it would have increased.
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? Having new tools? Waiting for the right feeling?
  All of the above I guess. It was just my roommate and I in the room, no one was in the bathroom, my wallet was on my desk, and I just couldn't stop my head. I just needed to think clearly.
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  Not very good. I really would rather not think about that right now.

i'm reading & thinking of you. i know i can't imagine how your exact situation feels, but i've had similar experiences with irl friends -- it can definitely be so hard to cope with that.

in regard to talking to your roommate, do you find it easier to express things like that in writing at all? if so, could you maybe write a letter or e-mail to them to start? sometimes i find writing out a letter/e-mail to someone about things that are hard to talk about helps the discussion get started for me... or if i'm not ready for it to be talked about, asking them to please write back in response until i'm ready to talk, etc. don't know if this idea would help in your situation at all but thought i'd mention it... take good care, hope when this reaches you things are a bit better.

I've thought about writing something to her, but I have a very good feeling that she knows what is going on anyway. She knows I want to tell her and can't, and she's been pretty understanding about everything. I'm really very lucky to have her. I think it's just something I have to get over. I've never been very good at talking about SI irl. Anyways, things have been getting a little better. Thanks for the reply!

*nods* i can definitely understand how hard it can be to talk about it irl. glad things are getting a little better!