bus

Before:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  The tension that i have will go, the muzzy-head will go, i will be able to focus and get on with things, i have so much to do and i need to get focussed, perhaps this will be the way i can get focussed and motivated.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  I will be able to move on and get on with stuff. But i will have broken my months of no-SI, and once i start again - will i be able to stop?
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I don't want to start SI again, i want to be able to get in control of my life without it, in two weeks time i will have passed the really stressful part of moving house. By not Si'ing i will prove to myself that i can deal with stressful situations by myself. But SI will enable me to deal with this situation and at the moment i really want the situation to ease.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  If i burn myself then the relief will last a long time because the pain lasts a long time. If i do it now the relief will probably last until after the stressful situation has gone.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  I could tidy my desk which will make me feel in control at work, i have written a 'to do' list, so i could start working through things slowly. Tonight i will clean the kitchen, so that i am more able to pack it up over the weekend. But i know that the stressfull situation is going to be around for the next two weeks and i dont know what else i can do...i feel like i am drowing with all the things that need to be done.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  If i hurt myself it will mean i am more able to do all the things i need to do today, and then i will feel good tomorrow because i am in control. If i dont SI then i may not get everything done and that will make me feel lazy, dirty and a waste of space. SI will make me feel like i have cut through all of that and am back on track.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to burn - but i dont have anything with me to do that, i need to ensure that i dont go out at lunch time when i could be tempted to buy something, i need to just start working through my to do list. I am scared though cos i know that my will power is particularly low today.

Miffy

can you get someone to gelp you with everything that needs doing to help lessen the stress a little? i know form the times that i've moved even just as a stuident with a few bits that it's really stressful and it sounds lie you're keen to prove you can get through it without SI, can you talk to someone about how you're feeling and get some support with that?
xxx