write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel more in control, but I'll feel guilty. I'll feel proud because I have shown people that I have control over my feelings and I don't have to go cry to other people about my feelings. I'll be able to focus better on the work that's hovering over me. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Well, I'll be able to focus, I think. It will help me make an indent on this ridiculous amount of work I have. I've been procrastinating on Bus to try to resist the urge. If I give in, I'll be able to work. I'll probably feel guilty, though. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel proud, but right now, I don't think that will ever happen. I don't think I'll ever truly beat SI forever. It will always be in me, no matter how long I resist. Still, hurting myself is going to get me farther from that feeling, I guess. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It'll probably bring relief right away and last for maybe a few hours, I think. Possibly all day. I know I'll regret it tomorrow, though, and the urges will be stronger. Whenever I give in, the urges return even stronger. What will I do then? I'll probably break down and talk to my friends, even though that's what I'm trying to avoid right now. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
All I have to do is my homework, because my mom will kill me if I try to do anything else. That will probably just make my urges worse. What will I do then? I have no idea. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel accomplished if I work. I'll feel guilty if I hurt myself.
Still... tomorrow isn't enough to stop me from thinking about today... - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to cut. Or sleep. Or take something that will stop me from thinking. But none of these are good. I don't know.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Too much work, too much stress, no friends to talk to. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes. I did my work, I had ice cream, I watched the Superbowl. I've also tried reading. These made me feel better. But in the long run, the urges have always come back. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've been on Bus. I can keep going on Bus, but I need to do my work. I don't know. I could play piano... - How do I feel right now?
Right this instant? I feel like I want to go play piano (hooray for Before questions helping me identify something that might make me feel better!). If I still feel urgy after that, I think I'll slip. I feel hopeless, worthless, sad. Upset. Tired. So exhausted. So tired of everything. So sick of everything. Done with it all. I just want to give in, and the only way I can feel stronger is with SI. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Ahhh, the relief. I'll feel a bit of guilt. But all of this stress can pour out with the blood. The pain will flow through me and distract me from my thoughts. I can let it all out. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
So relieved that the pain of the urge is over. But guilty. And tomorrow morning, I'll feel guilty and even more urgy, probably. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I'll try by playing piano. - Do I need to hurt myself?
I don't need to. Do I want to? Hells yeah.
