bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  It wont, really. I will feel a bit better, but then will feel very guilty and bad. Plus, I gave up SI for Lent, so it would be that much worse if I gave in now.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  I will bring a short lived sense of relief. It will take away over 2 weeks I have SI free.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to eventually be totally SI free and no longer have urges etc. Hurting myself will be a setback because I will be back at 0 days.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  The relief could last up to like half an hour, but more likely a couple minutes. Then I will probably feel even worse.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could talk to Wes, or lay in bed or try to focus on my archaeology reading. Reading is what I really need to do, so that would make me productive. But I dont think I can focus enough to read much. Laying in bed would prolly turn into a nap, but I realistically dont have time for that now. Talking to Wes would be really scary. I'm afraid that I will scare him away if I open up much more now.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I will be disappointed in myself tomorrow if I hurt myself. If I do one of the alternatives I will feel good because I beat the urge.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to just disappear from my responsibilities and everything. School is too overwhelming atm. I dunno really what to do because my head is really cloudy from being panicky and stuff..

~Megan