bus

I'm trying to figure out why I'm having some urges right now and trying to avoid acting on them impulsively before I head to bed. I'm so tired of wanting to si. I'm tired of constantly thinking about it.

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  let me escape
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  well it'll be easy for me to escape, but I will regret it and I want these thoughts to stop.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  closer, I'll feel bad and like this will never end.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  a week has been my current record, I don't know
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  draw, craft stuff, watch House, it will last up until I can go to bed
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  feel guilty, feel the same as I feel right now
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

go watch House and don't be alone...

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  feeling urgy all day, but had a pretty good day; came home my mom keep nagging me the whole time so I just felt horrible about myself, and then I went to musical practice felt really fat and sick with myself, came home and found that my mom is depressed enough to drink alcohol (not drunk, just I've only seen her drink twice in my life)
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  a little bit, different circumstances, I either gave in or went to bed or read, it just comes back the urges dont stop the thoughts dont stop
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  avoided these thoughts, keep thinking about how good today was
• How do I feel right now?
  fat, sickened by myself, down, and urgy
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  in control, numb, blank
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  guilty but better, I wont feel much different tomorrow except the thoughts will be lighter most likely
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  avoid.... umm well maybe find something else to talk to my mom about, nothing else I can really do
• Do I need to hurt myself?

not need, just desire

hope you make it through, and I always forget when House is on. I love that show

thanks and I did , for me House is on Tuesday's at 9pm

congratulations, that's wonderful! i always felt great when i beat an urge