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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  It'd mean I'm temporarily away from that focus of losing a life, instead it's losing blood...
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  It'd probably bring annoyance of sorting out the cuts and stuff, however it's take away the worry of my dog for a while.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I want to feel prepared for when he goes, I'm not sure if it'd make me closer or further away from being prepared for later on, but it'd stop me worrying right now.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  It'd give me enough relief for the rest of the school day, but when I come home to see him again, I'd probably fall into bad feelings again, so is there really a point?
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  Well erm...this hehe. Erm finding someway of keeping distracted, away from that fear, just go for a walk during my lunch break and maybe buy something that I enjoy eating or drinking, because I know this isn't my fault, nature happens, I shouldn't beat myself up over it, although somehow I feel I need it...if that makes any sense?
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  I'd probably feel a tad silly, the fact that it's more wounds to sort out, and the fact the dog may still be living and I can spend time with him while he's still going, if I did the other thing I'm a bit worried if the emotions build up, but it may not, it may go away...
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really wish I could do some magic spell and make sure the dog lives for another year or two instead of picking at straws on how long he has to live. For honouring the self-protective instinct, I need to be aware that to be blunt, shit happens, things bad will happen, I know this cutting would give me relief and I really do want it so I can sort of breath more freely I guess, but it happens to other people and they don't SI, so why should I? I guess they cope in their ways, and this is mine, but I just gotta pass through it.


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  Because emotions have built up ever since finding out the bad news and simply not knowing what may happen to my precious dog anymore, it's really scary!
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  
  Never been here before, it's new territory for me, I just need to try not to deprive myself for something where really Mother Nature is taking it's course.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  To be honest not much, I've managed to eat something and have a drink, otherwise just standing out in the cold because I felt I didn't deserve comfort as the dog was not in comfort either.
• How do I feel right now?
  
  Scared of what might happen to my bestest buddy of a dog, my companion, my brother...(i mean the dog as being my brother by the way) Just want these worries gone.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  Just away from these worries, for minimal time of about a few hours and then I have to go home maybe to bad news, but to see that dog in discomfort again definitely, so depressing!
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  
  A tad more relaxed or away from feeling the dog's discomfort as instead I'm feeling that discomfort of when I've cut myself and then continued discomfort of having to sort out the cuts and hiding them, that way I'll feel in closer feeling of what Mickey is going through.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  Well can't be avoided, all things go through sickness and age and eventually death, so I've got to get through it regardless. I can probably deal with it fine at school so long as I walk and keep walking during my lunch break and not deprive myself. (Note to self: H.A.L.T!)
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  
  I don't NEED to hurt myself, I shouldn't either, I just WANT to hurt myself because of fears, but as I keep seeing around the forums "This feeling too, shall pass"

Chaocontrol6 wrote:because I felt I didn't deserve comfort as the dog was not in comfort either.

Anyone who cares so much for another creature that it makes them feel like this when they are sick and in pain deserves comfort. You do deserve comfort.

What else could you do to make yourself feel better?

For me when pets are nearing the end I like to spend a lot of time cuddling with them gently, and if possible feeding them treats they wouldn't normally be allowed. When my rat was dying I stayed up all night and let him eat a couple of smarties while he curled up in the armpit of one of my favourite tops. Even though my rat obviously felt ill you could tell he got comfort from being close to me... and though I was sad that comforted me as well.

S x