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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  I'll feel more "in touch" with now I think, I feel a bit lost right now.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  Hurting myself will bring pain (obviously) but then that I hope will take away the fears of the future.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I just want to be able to take next week on with a bit more bravery, and hurting myself would make me think that I'm closer from feeling that way, but I bet by the time that week starts I'll be farther away again.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  It'd give me relief for today definitely, after that I'll be WELL distracted at work for the weekend, but then I have to face up to school, so I'm not sure if hurting myself NOW would be good for school in 3 days time.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  Other things I could do? Well eat something, I know I shouldn't turn to comfort eating, but it does help...hot drink, maybe walk the dog, nice shower. I'm not sure if that sort of stuff would last me through today's urges but it'll keep me well distracted.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  I'll probably feel bad by tomorrow, as I'm working, and then I'll have to work with quite new-ish cuts instead of 15 day-old cuts. If I do the other stuff, although right now I wont feel good, tomorrow I'll feel better as I know I don't have to worry about as many scars or at least no cuts re-opening at work.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

If i had my way I'd really like to hurt myself as I kind of miss the pain and seeing the blood, but knowing that I've made it through things like this before makes me know that if I keep my head held high I can make it through today if anything.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  The fact I am still scared of next week, the fact that I'm going to be doing exams, visiting the police for my reprimand and my parents will then think once again I am a total failure, I know that sort of feeling, and I'm scared of it, I just don't want the fear and hurting myself right now will take away that fear, for the day...
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  
  Not exactly this "here" I haven't done these sort of exams, neither have I dealt with the police, however I have been scared of the future for other reasons, and usually belting music through my eardrums has helped before, but sometimes I have given into the urges, only now am I REALLY REALLY trying to put the effort in to not hurt myself until the very last moment.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  Kind of nothing, it's early morning and I didn't get a lot of sleep, and I can't because of the builder, I have to stay awake to make sure he's got everything he needs to get the job done. Until then I can make myself some breakfast and a hot drink, maybe make the builder one or something
• How do I feel right now?
  
  Tired, afraid of next week, just wanting to skip that week.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  As if I don't need to be afraid because I am more looking at blood instead of looking ahead and what could happen, because I am instead looking at what actually IS happening, and that is me cutting myself.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  
  I'll be able to look at something other than this short term future that I don't want ever to happen, but no matter what it's happening, and tomorrow morning I'll feel bad because then I'm having to go to work with fresher cuts instead of much older scars that I am proud of (not because i cut them in the first place, more because the last scars are 15 days old and aren't as obvious to see)
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  No matter what I am going to be doing my exams next week, no matter what I am going to the police station next Friday, but I guess if I put my health first a bit I might feel better.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

For now, nope, I'm going to try those other things first, I know I can make today without it, I know I can if I really put the effort in.