before/now an after

[idork]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
ill be numb, i need to be numb

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
ill be numb, i need to be numb, i need to forget, i need to get away, i want the hurt to stop

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
ill feel horrible... probally it'll make everything worse

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
its been lasting longer and longer

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i dont know my mind is fuzzy right now...


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
my minds fuzzy, only thinking about cutting... i cant answer the questions anymore...

do i need to hurt myself?
yes


i can't do anymore of the questions...

[idork]

After

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
no, im watching the blood flow right now

what had happened just before?
been delaying all day... last straw: friend said she wanted to cut... i was like man i think i'll actually do it... ive been wanting to all day

what were you thinking and feeling?
want more, need more blood, not enough pain

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
^ read above

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
went to church, talked to a friend, low got on here, friend said shes urgy and hid her tool, posted a before, talked to a friend for about an hour trying to delay myself

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
nope none

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
before post... didnt even get half way through it, talk to friends, listen to music

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
probally.... not sure

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
im still urgy... i cant think of any way to cope...

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
to much hurt... not fully resolved... some of it numbed... want to numb more

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
yes... the pain

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1. not be alone
2. get away from tools
3. call someone right away... not think about it



What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
scratched... until i could get to a tool

If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
decrease

What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
being alone, right feeling

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
pain

[Briony]

Please be gentle with yourself.

[idork]

trying to be... so very urgy, anger... anger = extra urgy... if i wasn't scared about my mothers reaction i'd punch a wall.... i'd like to cut my arm... not being able to do that is stopping me right now...