before
Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 12:11 pm
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
i want to turn up at the OH department and smac the useless secretary in the face, i want to tell her how close to disintegrating i am and that i wish she'd get off her lazy arse and actually spea to the consultant
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i'll punish myself for being stupid and not strong enough, it'll let some of the anger out and i'll feel calmer, the tears might stop too - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
calm, peace and control. it'll take away the moral high ground that i have that says i'm fit for this job - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i just want to be employed - realistically it'll get me further from it, but it'll get me closer to feeling better today - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
i don't care how long it lasts, as long as it helps - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
call my line manger, go to the gym, talk to my housemates - calling my line manager might change the situation, but unfortunately i don't thin anything is really going to make a difference either way - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
guilty - o promised geep i wouldn't SI, if i call i'll at least not have to worry about doing it anmore, but i'm so so scared to - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i want to turn up at the OH department and smac the useless secretary in the face, i want to tell her how close to disintegrating i am and that i wish she'd get off her lazy arse and actually spea to the consultant
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
9 weeks of waiting for a job and an OH chec to clear and i'm still being fobbed off and screwed around - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
it's getting progressively worse so no, but usually SI - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
cried - LOTS, i could go to the gyum but i don't want to cry there, posting here, online games and distractions - How do I feel right now?
frustrated, angry, hurt, lost, confused and scared - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
calm and clear - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
no - Do I need to hurt myself?
i'm slightly calmer, nad i know i can't becasue i promised geep and i need to prove i'm ok, but i wish i could
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
