before *SI*

[idork]

I want to cut so badly.

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll get my anger out. I'll feel complete.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Get my emotions under control. I don't know.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Horrible, panicky, scared I'll get caught. I'm not sure

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I've made it through almost 4 days no SI. The consecutive SI free days are getting longer and longer.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Tell someone. Do the crafts I've been saying I've been wanting to forever ago. Get me away from the person that's making me really angry. I don't know...

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
HORRIBLE HORRIBLE, GUILTY, I'll feel so worried that I'll get caught. If I do the other thing I won't feel worried that I'll get caught and I'll have a reward for myself.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
do that dern crafts... to self: just go do it!

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I'm so angry. This one person's annoeying me so much, making me so angry. And I'm stressed because I don't have enough time to do all I need to do. And I have no money for the things I need and want. I'm such a guilty person... I'm so horrible for wanting to cut in the first place.... so much stuff has lead to this.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, cut, horrible

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Listen to music, do this post.... I can do my dern crafts... if I could get off my lazy butt

How do I feel right now?
frustrated

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
in control, have no thoughts, release of my emotions

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
horrible horrible

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
ignore this person, get off my lazy butt, make a schedule and follow it

Do I need to hurt myself?
yes yes... no


I can't cut because I don't want my mom to find out. She thinks my last time was my first... I would have already cut by now if it wasn't for the worries that my mom would find out... help....

[xStarBright]

Just saying, instead of a long post, I read, and I can relate.

Hold on to that tiny no at the end there.

Keep coping, well done, your doing great!

Annie x