bus

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.

As much as I can for now yes...

what had happened just before?

Not much, in my study session trying to think, and I couldn't think and concentrate at all...

what were you thinking and feeling?

Stress and confusion, also feeling extremely emotional and felt I couldn't hold it in in front of others.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?

Just felt I needed to, and the final straw I guess was welling up in front of others. Thankfully they haven't asked anything.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

I was just getting on with my work and I was talked to a while ago from a friend I thought I couldn't trust, but she actually cared to extremely high levels, and everytime I keep thinking about it, caused me to get emotional, and the fact I ended up this way at school made me have to sort myself out. Perhaps the fact I was sending an e-mail to her only to be bugged to go off hotmail made me want to SI as well...

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

The fact I woke up late was one factor and then having no breakfast didn't help either, next time I wont rely on my mother to wake me up...

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

Apart from just crying to myself, nothing...

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

At the time there weren't any, when you are forced to work in a lesson and then things are in your mind, there wasn't any other thing to do...only thing perhaps is just to get out of the library and walk to myself or something...

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

Perhaps writing it down on paper, there's so much paper around, why not put it to good use? And perhaps walking away from the table that I don't want to sit at and sit alone so I can think to myself.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

Kinda bad and confused, it’s nowhere near resolved, from self-harm this morning to finally being able to do this this afternoon I feel worse…I wanted to talk to my friend that I think cares but she does one thing to be nice then just pisses off and ignores me as if I don’t exist, it makes no sense…

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

I probably will, I’ll recognize it I think when I try to talk to her and she does it again. It’s hard to explain…

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

(1) Try to keep myself distracted, even if it is music at full volume in my ears for a while
(2) Just walk around a bit to myself, just put myself first.
(3) Relax I guess, maybe get a hot drink or something.

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.



What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?

The fact that instead of trying the other options I wrote earlier I could’ve just done that as a fix, and I knew how good it’d make me feel.

Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?

A bit of both, I bought the tool into school, if I hadn’t I probably wouldn’t have cut…

What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?

Probably been forced to go on a walk and get away from everything for a bit, perhaps I should’ve tried that first huh?

If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?

Increased, I would’ve probably tried anything, hitting walls or just being generally angry or whatever.

What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?

More the right feeling, of being confused, angry, messed up, those sort of things give me the opportunity to do it. Oh and knowing I have the tool with me to do it…

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

Probably just continue to be confused and angry and messed up until they eventually go away, I guess I’m just an impatient bastard like that.

It sounds like you have a few good ideas on how to avoid SIing in the future. I know for me sometimes it's difficult to implement those distractions, but they really do make a difference. Don't get down on yourself and take care of yourself.

for me usually the probem is beause of timing, sometimes i feel the urges at school and when there is sometimes nothing to do because i am stuck at school it just goes overboard and i feel cutting is my only way out, but i think that doing this for the first time, although i'd hope i wouldn;t do one kind of helped me out

it might be worth brainstorming as you walk around school sometime, to think of things that you can do there. Cause I know it is a lot harder when you are kinda trapped in a situation and your good coping tools are not an option.

Changing tables could help. Writing could help. (If you don't want anyone to read it, write all the words over top of each other...it just turns into a black blob so no one knows what you were talking about.)
Trying to think of other things...tearing up paper. Works well especially when I am angry or frustrated. Tear it in to little bitty pieces, just be sure to throw them all away afterwards. If anxious, sometimes doodling can help. Or moving my foot under the table a lot. Gives a place for the anxiety to show, without having it too obvious to other people.
If you are able to get to a bathroom or waterfountain, cold water on your face can sometimes help stop the emotions from building too much...
It might also help if you are able to "put away" the problems with your friend and come back to them later. Mentally, I mean. If you do, make sure to go back to them later though...

I don't know your school situation well enough to suggest much more, but hopefully you will be able to find some things that help when you aren't allowed to just leave.

Writing words on top of each other eh? That sounds pretty awesome, I remember one time I got frustrated and I was writing my anger down and people were wondering what I was saying, and then I had to hide it and it felt worse, that is an awesome idea!! Thanks for that

I like the other ideas too, I'll try to use those when I can, it'd help me at school big time

Writing could help. (If you don't want anyone to read it, write all the words over top of each other...it just turns into a black blob so no one knows what you were talking about.)

If you're like me and feel the need to reread what you wrote, writing over your writing doesn't help as much. If you don't want people to see what you're writing, perhaps don't sit too close to people, or lean your binder against the edge of the table/desk (so it's at a slant, with most of its weight resting on your lap) and use the binder as a surface (at that angle, most people don't notice/can't see your writing).

Sounds to me that you have a lot of ideas for coping, but don't think of them/don't find them too appealing during urges. Maybe, in your binder, you could have a sheet of paper that has alternative coping methods on it, and you can reread it whenever you have urges (you don't have to mention SI, just print something off of a computer saying 'Stressed? Talk a walk, write it out' etc, and people will just think it's something you got from one of your classes).

I'm liking it, perhaps that is something I should do, now I slipped again, I'm not going to write out another after as it was 2 days ago, or should i?