bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It will make me feel better about it...I'll feel like I got what I deserve...

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll bring a sense of self-control, but then later that goes away and I feel bad again.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel better about this...I just feel so left out of everything...like I'm second best in everything. Hurting myself will just bring me out of that for a while, and I've been feeling like this for the last couple days. I dont' know how it'll end if I hurt myself...

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will last a couple days I guess...then I'll probably end up doing it again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could take a shower, write in my journal, do something artsy using my hands so i dont' have a free hand to hurt myself.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow I'll probably feel bad, and feel like i need to hide, but it's getting colder outside, so I can just wear my hoodie all the time. If I do the other thing, I won't feel bad, but I won't feel better either.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to hurt myself in some way right now. I can try to do something else though to try not to hurt myself.


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel really left out of everything in my family...I feel like I'm just this big screw up and I cant' do anything right..I'm jsut a big finantial and emotional burdan to my family, and they never let me forget it...I'm just the depressed, emotional bitch with an ED, and i feel like they all hate me for it, so I dont know what to do other than hurt myself

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yeah, I've been here before, and that's why I moved out of my dad's house and went to live with my mom, but she and my step-dad did something really bad to me, and are in jail, so I'm stuck back here and I hate it because I'm always second-best, and that's all I'll ever be to my dad and brother. I always delt with it by hurting myself...it's what works the best...

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
All i've done is go on here and play the games and stuff, and post in here...I'm going to take a shower and get ready to go to bed, write in my journal, if things get worse, probably e-mail my therapist.

How do I feel right now?
I feel terrible, feel like hurting myself...

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel a lot better about everything, and I'll feel like I'm in control of the situation I'm in. In a weird way I'll feel like I'm getting a sort of revenge or something...I know that sounds stupid, but I really don't know how to put it.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
After I'll feel good, but tomorrow I'll probably feel guilty, and like such a failure because I wasn't able to deal with this.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can't avoid this stressor because I'm living here, and I don't have anywhere else i can go. I dont know what to do about it to deal with it better in the future because it just really sucks and I hate feeling this way.

Do I need to hurt myself?
I don't know...

It sounds like you're pretty sure that if you hurt yourself, you'll feel better briefly, and then worse or the same. It sounds like you don't feel like you're in control of your situation. What other things can you do that will make you feel more in control, or which will actually increase your control?

Is this a feeling you can just sit with and experience? Can you stay with the feelings of badness, and realize that they are just feelings, that you don't have to act on them? Can you make room for yourself, in your mental space, so that you're not so limited in your options?

prox.
[beating back the robot invasion, one paranoid android at a time]

There's really nothing I can do to get control of the situation i'm in right now, but i talked to my therapist yesterday, so I feel a bit better about everything. I still don't know what to do from here though.

It's good that you talked to your therapist ... did he or she have any coping suggestions for you, or ideas of what you can do if you're having strong urges?

prox.
[you left no word, no message]

Sort of...we started to work on a sort of safety-plan thing, which includes things like writing and coloring pictures and talking to people, but so far none of those things are working really well for me, so the next time I see her we're going to revise it a little I guess.
I'll probably also look at the list of coping skills here cuz I'm sure to find something I could try to do to feel at least a little bit better.