bus

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes.
• what had happened just before?
  long hard day at work, hardest day out of a very hard two weeks at work where lots of people have been snapping at me and shouting at me. also feeling fragile in general today due to therapy last night.
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  on the verge of tears. scared. sad. worthless. very alone. angry. thinking that i just wanted the crying to stop. i wanted everything to just go away.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  the only day had been the final straw. the reason it happened at that precise time was that it was the first opportunity really.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  me being put in charge of the engineer at work. other people not liking this. emergency situations coming up. me being shouted at because of this. me asking a question on behalf of a customer and being shouted at for that. me being shouted at by someone on the phone about something that i knew nothing about/couldn't help with and was unable to get in touch with someone who could help. being unable to calm myself as i was at work.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  possibly lack of sleep.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  distraction. deep breathing. walking. none of them work long term.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  being able to get away from people and be alone to cry freely after the original incidents. having someone to talk to about this who feels safe and won't judge me.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  not resolved. i see parts of it reoccuring many times over because i am the newest at my work and thus every thinks they have a right to treat me like shit.
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  yes. i live in/around that emotional place. i just need to grow up and deal with it.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  before questions. other coping strategies from the list. getting some "me" time.

It's sounds like you're going through a really stressful time right now. I'm sorry to hear about that. I know stress at work can be a trigger for me too. Hopefully the preventative measures you talked about in the questions will help you to not turn to SI next time. Answering the before questions is very helpful...not even in hopes of a response, but to analyze what you're really feeling instead of the blanket "i need to SI right now". Getting to the heart of the urge is very important in order to get better. Take care of yourself, and try to get some sleep...sleep is very helpful for getting your mental frame back together.

thank you for replying mardy, it means a lot to feel heard.