slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. Yes
- what had happened just before? I was freaking out because tornado warnings/storms were threatening an event I'd spent weeks planning.
- what were you thinking and feeling? Like I had no control...I had worked so hard to make this happen and the weather threatened it all.
- why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? It was really the weather...the thing that really bugs me is deep down I knew I couldn't control it.
- how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. I'm not really sure how it got there. I have a busy week coming up and I've had a lot of stress of over the last couple of days, but I was doing okay, then it all kind of fell apart...I would say the pivotal moment was the bad weather, but I don't really think that was the issue.
- were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? Sleep and stress...they're always an issue and I can always work on them.
- what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? This afternoon, I just did almost without realizing I had started...I knew I was doing it but I couldn't stop myself. Although I didn't try alternative methods today, I've been urgy the past couple of nights and played with my stress ball and play-doh, removed myself from the environment (i.e. went to be with my friends), and it all seemed to work.
- in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? I talked to my friends, but they were busy with their own stuff, so I should have found a way to do something else on my own...I'm just not sure what.
- name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. Come up with a list of alternative activities and put it in an easily accessible location
- how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? The weather cleared up and the event went off smoothly -- it was excellent really. But as I said before I don't think that the weather was the issue. I think it was the out of control feeling it gave me. Throughout all of the planning, I kept doubting my ability to do it -- because I'm passionate about the issue, everyone just assumed I could do it and I felt like if something went wrong it would reflect poorly on me and point out my failures. Um, to answer the question, I guess I could work on talking about my fears instead of internalizing them all.
- are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Yeah, I probably will. Even though I say that I'm going to try and share my fears, I don't think I'll stop internalizing things. I need to come up with healthy ways to vent those feelings.
- what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other? It's just my natural way of dealing and I'm trying to get around that, but it's something that's helped me in the past so I know it works.
- Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking? Even though it felt like just a reaction, I know I had to make the decision and the opportunity for it...but I really didn't have to try to make one.
- What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? I'm not sure...and that worries me.
- If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased? Increase
- What constitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling? Being alone, but I can still do self-destructive things when I'm with my friends and they're not paying attention.
- If your opportunities were taken away, how would you feel?
