bus

* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I feel stupid. I feel like I can't keep myself quiet; SI helps me shut my mouth. I fucked up with Ian. I yelled at him in the car yesterday on the way home from a gig; now he, and his girlfriend, are really mad at me. On top of school. On top of PMS. On top of slipping in the car to keep from fighting more. On top of blowing up did no good; he went right back to the behaviour I was trying to ask him to stop that was driving me crazy. So now I'm afraid to see him, afraid he'll tell everyone at school, and just plain stressed out to begin with (which led to the whole incident).

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

Deal with the situation for real -- try to apologize (hasn't worked so far, but we'll see). Ignore it as best I can. Do Wise Minds, Prompting Event Sheet. Don't shut myself up; just find better ways to express myself.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

Shower. Sleep. (SI. while trapped in the car...) Cried myself to sleep last night. I can talk to Lise, post in my place. I can distract myself by practising, working towards my goals.

* How do I feel right now?
Tired, angry, tired. Hungry. (Eating.) Ashamed.

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Angry. Relieved. Practical.

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Childish. Focussed, but not in a good way. I'll have to hide even more.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Avoid, no. Deal with, yes. I need to mature, and work on not blowing up at people. I can try to not get trapped in situations.

* Do I need to hurt myself?
NO.

I am glad, Lycander, that you see that you don't need to hurt yourself. The situation with Ian sounds stressful. What can you do to calm yourself when you are "trapped" in a situation like that again?