bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  the situation won't change. but i will feel more in control. less anxious. more able to cope with jsut getting through today.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  take away = some of the emotional pain for a while. bring to = release, making me feel visible/real.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i don't know how i want to feel about this long term really....errrrm, i suppose the best answer i can give is that i just want to feel the opposite of how i do right now. hurting myself isn't likely to get me closer or further from that.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  the relief should...hopefully....last until at least the weekend. after that i will try to find other ways to cope.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i could distract myself, which won't change the situation but may make it more bearable. that change will last until i can't distract myself any longer which could be anything from 5mins to 5days as im at work.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  if i hurt myself i will feel a bit guilty tomorrow and sore. if i distract myself i may or may not feel exactly as i do now
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i really want to hurt myself, but i can't as im at work. hence why im doing these questions

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  because i feel invisible and worthless and im not coping with things and i have next to no irl support right now.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  never been here before. never had it so that i had no IRL support, no outlets.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  distract myself. answer these.
• How do I feel right now?
  very low....a bit su....urgey....anxious...sad
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  calmer. in control.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  directly after - less urgey, less anxious. calmer.
  tomorrow - sore, possibly guilty...probably the same as i do now.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  i don't know right now.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

maybe....