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Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  nothing will change, but i'll have control back over something that's beentotally taken out of my hands no matter how hard i try
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  it'll take away me feeling 'better' and SIIng less, it'll bering relief and punishment
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i don't want to be in the situation in the long run, but SIing will make it harder becasue it will mean it's more and more part of my life and i want to be able to leave it behind
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  right now i don't care how long the relief lasts, just as long as there is relief
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  go for a walk
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  i've sat here for ages thinking about this one, i want to leave it, want to not anser but that's a cop out and the idea is that this will stop me SIing, if i leave it it's like fgiving myself an excuse to do it, why am i so determined to self sabotage?
  if i hurt myself i'll feel guilty tomorrow, i know that going for a walk is a better option long term nad that i'll feel better for it, but i want to believe that i've tried everyhting, nothing works and give myself a reason to give in,
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i'm angry, i'm angry at me, at OH, but mostly at me. i'mm ad becasue i was stupid enough to be honest again, even knowing what happened last time, i'm frustrated that no one seems to be moving on this and i'm BORED, so possing bored i can't take it anymore. i'm angry at myself for not goving to the gym, but i'm scared that if i do go i'll just feel worse becasue i'm sick of how my head works

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  OH stuff and the prospect of the gym how pathetic
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  gym wise i ignore it and then feel sors and then go again, it's a standard cycle really i guess. the OH stuff, not so much, it'ssimilar to aplying for med but even harder, then i didn't know if it was the right thing or not, now i do and i'm sick of people trying to stop me doing the things i want to and would be good at,
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  spent time here, listened to music, cried (lots), writtena new job application i could force myself to the gym, go waling, go shopping,
• How do I feel right now?
  frustrated, angry, hurt, stupid, usless and worthless
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  relieved
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  guilty
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  no, unless i lie and then there's a whole new stressor
• Do I need to hurt myself?

for the first time in such a long time i've got this question and i'm tempted to write yes, i want the horrible feeling inside to go away, but i know i can't

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.