bus

After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  
  yes sort of...as it was an od its sort of hard to deal with physical wounds
• what had happened just before?
  
  rape memories, saw the guy who raped me when i was 16 and had to talk to him. my recent ex told me he was in love with someone else.
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  
  vulnerable, scared, angry at myself, worthless.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  
  no final straw. i just had no fight left. everythings gotten too much and i have no one to turn to IRL.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  
  my mother has been threatening to throw me out all week, she invited the guy who raped me into our house (he was selling something door-to-door) and made me talk to him because she recognised that he was in my class at school.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  
  possibly lack of sleep.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  
  none really. was jewellery making to keep my hands busy but it didnt work.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  
  telling someone. letting myself be talked out of it.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  
  figure out who i trust enough to call in this situation. listen to what people say instead of negating everything.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  
  not resolved. he's not here but its not resolved. never will be. i just need to learn to stop being pathetic, shut up and deal with it.
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  
  possibly. not sure how im not good at recognising bad emotional places until im already too far into them to back out.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

calling someone.
watching a feel good film.
writing out my feelings.

Hi dancing_shoes

I'm sorry you've been put in such a difficult situation with this guy. It can't be easy to keep coming across him, and you're certainly not "pathetic" because feelings that are difficult to deal with keep coming up when it happens. That would be very much expected, to my mind.

The thing that really stood out for me was your observation that you don't know that you're in a bad emotional place until you're really *there*. Can you think of ways to try and catch it earlier? This might be something to discuss with your therapist, if you have one.

Did you go see a doctor about the OD? Even a small one can have lasting effects - please go get checked out and make sure that you're okay. You deserve that.

Take gentle care.

Hi Shoes

i just need to learn to stop being pathetic, shut up and deal with it.

IMHO, that is the last thing you need to do. You've been through a hard, traumatic experience, and still having reactions to it does not in any way mean you're "pathetic". You're HUMAN. Even though it's hard (trust me, I know), it's more honest and real to admit that you're having these feelings and reactions than to try to stuff them down and pretend they don't exist ("shut up and deal with it"). I know that when I am trying to deny or stuff my feelings, it only makes the SI impulse worse. I think you are on the right track with learning how to deal with your feelings in other ways. Calling people is good, writing, coming on BUS, distracting yourself with silly films- all good ideas.

not sure how im not good at recognising bad emotional places until im already too far into them to back out.

Try to pay attention to how you're feeling physically. Sometimes I feel tense and scared physically before I realise that I'm feeling it emotionally. Are your shoulders/back tensing up? Are you feeling like you're going to hyperventilate? Are your thoughts racing? These are the early signs for me. It's easier to put the alternative coping skills into practice in the early stages than it is later on. Listen to your body. *nod*

I hope this helps, or at least hope you're feeling better today. Take care.