bus

How wonderful to have them preformatted, thanks so much!

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  I will feel relieved, I will feel better.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  It will bring. I don't know what it will bring or take away. The only thing I think will change is that I will be digusted with myself and that I will feel better. Or maybe I won't feel better maybe I'll feel worse for being weak willed.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  In the long run I want to act like I should. I want to feel that I have been a resonable responcible person, clearly cutting is not a good step towards that goal.
  
  Unless it gets me to quit thinking about dying. But it won't work for long and I'm not planning on killing myself anytime soon so it's not like choosing the lesser of two evils. Thoughts are just thoughts. Actions are worse.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  It does not seem like the best option, it just seems like one of the most appealing options and of the options that appeal to me it seems like the safest. However I'm not likely to take any of the tempting options, I'm not likely to even cut. I don't know why I'm doing this.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  I've done a lot of things, I'm just so tired right now I can't really do much else. I'm typing this out, that usually helps. I've tried distraction, I've tried just waiting the temptation out, I just seem to be getting worse.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  Tomorow. I have no idea how I will feel tomorow, that's part of the problem.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

What do I really want to do right now. I really want to sleep and just keep sleeping. I don't want to die, I just don't want to be conscious for a while.

If I could actually sleep that might help a bit I think being worn out is contributing to my current mood.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  I'm depressed, I'm not feeling well, I'm mad at my body. I'm tired of dealing with stuff, I'm just plain tired, I haven't been eating well. I don't want to face talking to my doctor about increasing symptoms from my MS. My daughter had a fit last night (she is autistic) I am worried about her and afraid she is reacting badly to a bad situation at her school and I don't know how to fix that. I don't want her to regress. I feel like I'm less than I should be. I feel like my family has been short changed. I miss my mom. I'm mad at my mom for dying when she could have lived a lot longer. I'm pissed at myself for letting my family down, for being less than they need me to be. I'm just tired. I'm worn out. I don't want to be sick any more. I don't want to have to spend the rest of my life as a burden. I don't want to be a downer to be around. I don't want to just get worse and worse until I'm nothing but a weight around my family's neck. I don't want my children to remember me as weak. I want to be able to run again. I want to not be afraid of tripping. Of walking. I want to quit thinking about walking all the time. I want to stop having to think about wether I can go up and down our steps safely. I want to say some of this outloud. I feel guilty because everyone thinks I deal so well with things. I feel guilty because people think I'm strong and funny and optimistic when I'm weak and..well I'll give them the funny part, and can't stop thinking that I may wake up and not be able to walk or see.
  
  I'm doing such a crappy job coping and I've trapped myself here. I've made myself too nessisary.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  
  Yes. I pushed it aside, I've kept going. Obviously that's worked wonders.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  I don't know how. (The obvious answer would seem to be "get some sleep" but I'm at home alone with my kiddos.)
• How do I feel right now?
  
  Tired, depressed.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  Blessed relief.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  
  Numb. Tomorow? Stupid.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  I have no doubt that I could deal with this better. I fake dealing with it better on a constant basis. I just need to figure out how to connect what I project on the outside with how I feel on the inside. I also need to work on projecting positiveness a bit better to my husband. He's the only one who has a clue that I am not coping fantastically well.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

*negative self-indulgent answer deleted*

I'm not sure I have anything helpful to say, but I do understand your frustration. It's hard not to SI when you know that it will make you feel better at the time. But please keep try to keep in mind that it's just temporary and you won't feel better overall. I hope everything works out for you and your daughter.