bus

After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  I haven't but they aren't bad enough really to need anything. I can clean them later.
• what had happened just before?
  I am not sure, I have had a hard week, stuff has got to me, but I was "okay" and then it just hit me how horrible everything was. I have been trying so hard to quit, in order to see a friend this Christmas, but it all fell apart, and once I had cut once, the temptation was there to continue - I had messed up anyway.
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  Just that I couldn't do it, it wasn't worth it, there was no way I could make it through unbroken. I had made so many mistakes, I was such a failure that there was no point in carrying on quitting, I wasn't worth the effort.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I can't see a final straw really, it was just a mess of things that added together to end like this, to end with me cutting. I think there have been major stressors in a lot of different areas, not least the amount of pressure I have been putting on myself to "get better" recently.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I could have left college early, I was having a sensory overload as it was, staying only made it a lot worse. I could have gone out, so I didn't have an opportunity, or I could have done something like practice my poi to calm me down.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I haven't had a lot of sleep, but idk how I can sleep better, I just aren't.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  I am ashamed to say that i don't think i did do anything really.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  I should have done exercise or poi, or something like that, instead of sitting in my room, alone.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  I have 2 sets of poi, I will keep one set by my blades so that I see it. I will also use the permission I have to leave lessons / college if I am getting overloaded.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I need to take the pressure to recover off a little, I am overdoing it.
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  I am likely to be in that place again, so I had better just try harder to cope next time.
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  Poi, Going out, Reading

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  I think I had an opportunity at the same time as a massive trigger.
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  I was in my room anyway, so i guess it was there for the taking.
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  Made an opportunity I suppose.
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  Increased
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  Being alone, feeling like I need to cut
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  They were when I was IP. I just made more.

well done on answering the questions, poi sounds like a good distraction/way to work off some of the urges perhaps, i love my poi

when you feel lie one slip stops it being worth trying, would it be useful to have a calendar that you mark off the days you don't SI on, i always found that it was easier to tell myself it was ok to keep slipping and SIing when i 'lost' a period of time (ie if i'd lost a week si free that one slip had got rid of all of it so i didn't see the point in trying) instead i now look at it and go - ok i slipped, and it sucks, but i still have all the time before free, and can have more time after too

xx

you do poi?
*is pleased / amazed / surprised*

I need to do that. One slip became 2 already tonight. I don't want it to continue, I don't want to miss out on seeing my J this christmas.
I need to. Need to beat this

yeah am not very good at it - actually got into as a result of a bus meet years and years ago!

maybe keep a picture/something of your friends near either the calendar or your tools as a reminder of why you're trying so hard?

I shall, that's a very good idea... fbook... printing... here i come, a pic is going in both
What type of poi do you use?
I have spiral and sock at the moment, am getting tui, cobra, staff, uber, led and fire poi/staff when I can afford