Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
it won't change but the pain will give me enough...enough of something to keep me going. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
the power and strength to keep going on. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i can't ever think about the long run. when is that? tomorrow? next week? years away? all i have is right now...i don't want to think about tomorrow. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
i hope it'll last two or three days at least. after that maybe i'll be stronger. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
ugh! i don't want to do something instead. i could write. that has been helping alot but i'm too tired. at least then i wouldn't have to worry about hiding the scars. it's getting scary for me. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i'll feel bad because i shouldn't have. i know it's not right but i can't make it make total sense to me why. if i do the other thing...hmm...i don't know - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i want to go to sleep. i'm so tired. i'm also so obligated. and i'm sad. i'm really sad and alone. i feel bad for feeling sad.
[*]Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i don't know. i guess i feel like i'm spiraling again. my soon to be ex husband is back on a binge and the lawyer called and wants to meet with us. i have dinner plans with a lady that i don't want to go to. work is a nightmare. my family is ugh! and i feel trapped and alone in the middle of it all.
[*]Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
before i cut.
[*]What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
[*]How do I feel right now?
i feel alone. i feel sad. i feel trapped. i feel like my thoughts won't make sense and i can't reason out anything. i feel like my mind is going 100 miles an hour and i know this is wrong but i can't stop long enough to find out what is right?!?!?!?!?!?!
[*]How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
[*]How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
after...i'll be okay because i can take the pain in the cuts with me. i can have it and feel it and it'll be mine to have and touch and hold onto.
[*]Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
[*]Do I need to hurt myself? [/list]
no, i guess i don't but what will happen when the need keeps building and building. if i only do a little bit now then that'll be better.
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