Before.

[sleepflower]

Before You Self-Harm

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I think the situation might get worse. I haven't cut in almost 2.5 years and I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to start this crap all over again. But some part of me just wants to destroy myself.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Regret. It might take some of the edge off, but I doubt it.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel like I'm not a worthless human being. I want to feel secure about my future. Hurting myself won't help me achieve either of those goals. If anything, it'll make me feel more worthless.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I doubt the relief will last long. Guilt and regret will most likely set in soon after.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Talk to someone. It won't change the situation but I might be able to cry away some of these feelings.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel guilty if I cut. The situation would be worse. I doubt talking to someone would help in the long run, as I'll probably feel like crap again tomorrow.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to run away and hide. I want to stop being me. I want to hide underneath the covers and forget about the world.


More Before Questions To Answer

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel like I'm a worthless human being. I deserve to suffer. I'm hideous and disgusting, and I want to make myself uglier. Every time I think about my future I see this gaping black hole. I can't see myself doing anything useful, and I'll be a burden to society.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I haven't felt like this in a while. The last time I felt this frustrated, I drew on myself with a red pen. I discussed this with my therapist but she said it was a bad idea, because it was a step closer to real SI.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've slept. I've cuddled my cat.

How do I feel right now?
Angry with myself.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Perhaps it will bring relief for a short while.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I'll regret it, I think. I don't want to give up now.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
It's the future that I am afraid of. No matter what I do, I'll still be me. Nothing can change that, and it's the one thing that I want to change.

Do I need to hurt myself?
I doubt anyone needs to hurt themselves. It doesn't solve anything, but then again, emotions aren't logical.

[Porcelain_Doll]

I hope you're hanging in there.

[LBC]

Hi sleepflower

Could you hide for a while? Just for an evening? It's okay to give that to yourself sometimes, if that's what you feel you need...just crawl under the covers, maybe with a good book...

It sounds like you really don't want to SI...do you need ideas for distractions? There's an excellent thread about that in Sourcebook.

Take gentle care.

[sleepflower]

I'm still here. I haven't done anything I'll regret later but I feel like I'm breaking. I called the crisis hotline yesterday and talked to them for a bit. I just cried and cried and it made me feel a little bit better, but nothing has really changed. Today I felt generally okay until a few hours ago. I just feel completely alone and like it's never going to get any better. The problem is me (my body, my uselessness) and there's nothing that can change that.

I went back to bed several times today but it's hard to hide from yourself. I usually make up these elaborate fantasies where I'm someone else, someone better, but today even in those fantasies I felt inept and depressed.

My uni classes are starting again this Monday but I honestly don't feel like going. I just feel like staying home and doing stupid things to myself.