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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

I am feeling overwhelmed because a girl that I love very much (I guess you could call her my girlfriend) is threatening to commit suicide. I have talked with her and tried to reason with her and I don't feel like I've made a difference.

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  It won't. I might feel less overwhelmed because I have used SI to release some of my feelings, but it won't change the choice she makes.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  Hurting myself will bring nothing to the situation. It will take away some of the overwhelmed feeling i am having.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I want her to be ok. Hurting myself will do nothing for that except give me something to be kicking myself for later.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  Relief will only last until I have to try to hide it tomorrow, which is difficult, as it's summer.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  I could go to bed. It would change nothing except that I wouldn't be awake if she calls me.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  Tomorrow I will feel frustrated and guilty if I hurt myself. If I go to bed, I will be pleased that I made one more day SI free.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to save my gf. I want to fix her. I want to hear her say that she's ok, or at least gotten the help that she needs tonight.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  I feel I need to hurt myself because I am overwhelmed by my feelings for my girlfriend. I am terrified that she is going to do something drastic and I feel like it's my fault if she does because I couldn't do enough to help her.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  
  No.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
• How do I feel right now?
  
  Scared an upset. Totally out of control.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  In control of something. Calmer. Soothed.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  
  I'll feel calmer until tomorrow morning, at which point I'll realize what I have done and feel stupid and guilty for messing up ten weeks.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  I could stop talking to her tonight, but then I'll have left her on her own. And I hope for her sake that I never ever have to deal with this in the future.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

No, I don't.


Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.