bus

<b>* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?</b>

<s>the knot in my chest will go away</s> i won't have to think about it for a while.

<b>* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?</b>

relief is what it will bring. i don't know what it could take away, besides pain.

<b>* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?</b>

i can't think about the long run.

<b>* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?</b>

:: shrugs :: :: shrugs ::

<b>* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?</b>

i feel like i'm postponing the inevitable. but i'll postpone it by listening to stuff and getting some stuff done that i have to get done, and hope that i'll not think about it and it will no longer be inevitable, but an option and one that i'll be too <s>lazy</s> forgetful to take (or something)

<b>* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?</b>

relieved. i'll be annoyed at wound cleaning procedure, though. if i don't end up doing it? i'll probably feel the same way i do now, who knows. i can't think beyond the here and now

<b>* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?</b>

si.

...how WOULD you honour that so-called "self-protective instinct" in any <i>OTHER</I> way?!

i can't answer the rest of the questions. they seem to be beyond any answering capability i have right now

well done on answering some of the questions, i know that doing all of them can be quite hard.

it seems like you're really struggling to focus onthe future and what self-harm can tae away from the situation. might it help to sit down and as a bit of adistraction perhaps to write some of the things that you think you might like to achieve in the future, then use those to look at how self harm will get you closer/further from thoise things. sometimes writing it down helps to make it a bit more focused.

it's good that you're prepared to try some other ways of coping/distractions even if you're not convinced they'll work, has it worked before? does the SI have to be inevitable? perhaps if you can start to feel better through a distraction it'll be less necessary?

take care