BEFORE

[chero]

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  It won't change. I'll probably feel worse because today would have been 12 days without SI.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  Proof that other people can't hurt me. I'm in control.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I wish I could have stuck with not doing it. I wish there was some other way to make me feel better.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  The relief maybe could last forever this time. I could always have the reminder with me to tell me I was in control and I can't be hurt.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  I could journal. I could read.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  I'll only feel bad because I broke my cycle of not doing it but if I don't then tomorrow I'll always remember the pain of what SOMEONE else did to me and my own pain is better.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to feel normal. I want to stop the anger inside my head right now. I want to feel loved and okay and happy.

[*]Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

UGH! So many things have brought me here.

[*]Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

I'm tired of dealing. This is better and easier and puts me in control.

[*]What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

Won't hurt me? I SI because I'm hurt.

[*]How do I feel right now?

Worthless. Alone. Pathetic.

[*]How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

In control.

[*]How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

I'll have the cut to remind me that I'm in control and I can't be hurt by anyone else anymore.

[*]Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

????? I always come back here. I'm never going to be rid of it.

[*]Do I need to hurt myself? [/list]

YES!

[LBC]

Hi Chero

It seems like you're in a lot of pain tonight...I'm sorry you're feeling so badly.

Can we maybe put a different spin on the control issue to see how it changes things? I'm hearing that right now you'd like to self-injure because somebody hurt you, and being hurt by people makes you feel out of control...and that self-injury helps you to bring back that sense of control.

Consider the idea that you *are* still in control, even when people hurt you: you can't control their actions, sure, but you can control your reaction. Decide that their actions aren't worth losing twelve days where you haven't self-injured. You *have* control; don't let them take it.

Have you ever heard the saying by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"? It's kind of like that.

That sort of thinking takes some practice, but you can make it work for you. You're not powerless here. Think about it.

[chero]

I didn't do it.

I know I should probably feel better about that than I do at this moment.

I know you are right about the control part. It has always seemed to me that if someone hurts you that gives them control over you so I never let anyone think they hurt me.

Anyway, I didn't SI. Maybe tomorrow I'll be glad for that.