bus

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

I had already screwed up and what was the point to keep trying not to use poor coping mechanisms or to keep trying other things.
--I get stuck on that at times, too. "well I've already done this & this & this..... so wtf does it matter if i do x too...."
for me, sometimes, it helps to realize that so often... each poor choice I make simply makes it a bit tougher to make wiser choices.... often there are more consequences of the poor choices.... often makes urges worse for awhile...

I was feeling discouraged and hopeless about the future and a little meaningless.
--*nods* those I find really hard too.

is there someone at work you could talk with/ask questions of... besides your boss?

he wasn't going to help me figure something out because I should be the one doing it. I agree with him, but have been feeling for a while that I'm not working hard enough or accomplishing enough and that conversation verified my feelings.
--what could you try in terms of separating/distancing what someone says from your own thoughts/feelings...?
from just the bit I copy/pasted... I'd say that likely you could agree with him *and* also, realize that you're working hard & accomplishing stuff.
if nothing more... you're accomplishing work.... and working at dealing with that.

I think I would have just started feeling more anxious to the point that I wouldn't be able to work any more
--I used to justify self-harm using that logic a Lot =) "well, if I *don't* hurt myself then I'll not be able to........................"
for me it can help to then think it through a bit more.... *not* "well if I did hurt myself.... well really need/ought to.... etc" but more "what do I ultimately want from life?..... if I don't hurt myself what's the worst that could happen.... what could I do if Worst did happen? how could I prevent Worst w/o hurting self....? etc..."
it's true that sometimes accomplishing something is easier when there's self-harm..... imo, mainly because it's something my body & mind still see as this tempting thing at times. not hurting myself means dealing with whatever emotion and situation led to an urge.... dealing with the urge.... *and* managing to accomplish things... rather than simply giving in to urge and shutting off the urge and emotion/reaction to emotion.

anyhow, I'd continue on but this is longer than I thought it'd be already...
I babble at times.

Thanks for your comments. I found them encouraging.

silver_smurf wrote:I agree with him, but have been feeling for a while that I'm not working hard enough or accomplishing enough and that conversation verified my feelings.

hi silver smurf,

i just wanted to point out that that seems
to be the same issue that you posted about
in the workshop about the therapy group,
about feeling like you are not working hard
enough or accomplishing enough. i don't
really have any conclusions, but it just caught
my eye when i was reading what you wrote
here, and thought "hey, there's that same
issue."

i have felt that way before. it kind of sounds
like you are at a place where changes need
to be made, but you're not sure what exactly.
it reminds me of how i've felt with my counselor
before, i would feel like i wasn't getting enough
out of it, and then i took a risk and went into this
intensive outpatient program and everything is
going better now, because the new situation
is meeting my needs better.

i'm not saying i think you need an outpatient
program, because it sounds to me like you
are probably further ahead than i am, and past
that point perhaps? but what it makes me think
is i thought i maybe wasn't working hard enough
or doing enough but it turned out i just wasn't
"in the right place at the right time" so to speak.
so i am just wondering if maybe your outer cir-
cumstances are not meeting your needs very well
right now and you got destructive because you're
blaming yourself for that? i don't know, just a
thought.

seems like for myself, i always
seem to think its me, even when sometimes its
the situation that isn't what i need, if that makes
sense. but it feels safer to blame myself because
it really scary to look at changing the outside
circumstances. i get really scared about making
any kind of "move" that way. i tend to "hunker
down" where i'm at instead of moving outward
toward something else. i am wondering if maybe
we are alike in that way.

That's very interesting

hi

Changing the environment is hard.

god, isn't it?

That's sort of one of the things we're learning about in group now, which is how to ask for things or trying to make someone else change something. I'm afraid to do both of those things.

is that helping? the information about how to ask?
i'm excited about learning that. i am just taking
core mindfulness.

It is much easier to say I'm the problem and I don't know how to change. In reality, it's probably both

that makes alot of sense. yeah, probably both.
that's a good insight! i wish i had something more
useful to say. i can empahtize, though, these are
things i am working on too.