bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i'll be hiding again, but i'll be calm

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it will take away the tension, but i'll be scared. it will make this a bad experience, which it was never meant to be.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to feel that i had a good time and got to hang out with my friends and family like i wanted. cutting will make me feel so much farther away from that.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
maybe five minutes, maybe the whole day.
i'll have to do it again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could call my friends, but i don't want to talk irl. i could doodle or write, but i'd still be trigger-happy.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
scared. for both.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i really want something familiar. there's nothing familiar here.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i just miss it. terribly. i thought maybe it would help me sleep, like it used to, and now i can't get it out of my head.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
no.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i don't know . . . i don't have anything else that i want as badly.

How do I feel right now?
anxious, tense

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
relieved, comforted

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
disappointed in myself

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i won't be here in this same place in the future, i'll be around people who know and look out for me.

Do I need to hurt myself?
oh my god i wish i could with no strings attached.
i really unbearably want it.
it feels like a need, but i know it's not.

Hi anonymous08

How did it go? Did answering the questions help?

It sounds like you were in a very unfamiliar situation...am I right in assuming that you were away from home? Would bringing something familiar from home help for next time?

I often bring a small stuffed animal with me when I'm travelling...even if I don't unpack it, it's nice to know that I have something familiar with me.

I hope that you're feeling better. Take gentle care.

thanks for asking.
i really appreciate it.
you're right in your assumption - i'm from america, and i'm in china visiting family.
i've been here for three weeks, and i've been okay, but it's pretty lonely not speaking the language, and i've had a little too much time to think.
all this stress and confusion is giving me terrible nitemares, and i used to cut to help me relax so i could sleep. my medication only makes them worse - it takes me forever to go to sleep cuz i'm so scared - and the wrong thing happened at the wrong time.
my grandmother asked me to take a box cutter out of her bag for her, and then she left.

i tried everything, and after answering the questions, i just laid down and in defeat (with my stuffed animal dog ) and slept.

i feel much better now, but i just know i'm gonna be lonely again soon.