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Before You Self-Harmwrite down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge.
I've spent the whole weekend at my sister's wedding. My alcoholic husband (whom I'm seperated from) and I were both in the wedding trying to pretend everything was okay because the family doesn't know about the situation. My husband was on cloud nine--I'm in the pit! Everyone was pushing us to make 4th of July plans and it was so hard because I want to be with him and I know I can't.

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  It won't change. I just need the release. I have to put on another smile today and this will help me do that.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  Bring temporary peace and the ability to keep going. It will take away my focus on my secret, sad, pathetic life.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  In the long run I don't want to have done it. I just don't know any other way to feel better that works.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  I'm hoping it will last through this day but I don't know if it will. I can't say what will happen then.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could journal. I know I promised my counselor I would journal first but it just opens more flood gates of emotions that I can't deal with.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  Tomorrow will not change anything. I feel the same everyday.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Right now? Crawl back under the covers and pretend I didn't have to face this day and nobody would be disappointed in me and I could be happy and at peace.


More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I still love my husband very much but I can't live with the abuse and the drinking and yet I don't want people in my life to know what has been going on and I feel out of control and sad and confused. It was so hard spending the weekendend with him at the wedding and trying to pretend and remind myself. UGH!
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  ????? How do you deal????
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  I've tried this...but there is no ease of discomfort.
• How do I feel right now?
  I feel alone, numb, cold, sad, lost.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  Like I have control over something and that I know nobody can hurt me as long as I have the control.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  Ashamed. Tomorrow...more shame.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  Avoid?? My life?? I wish.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

Need?? I don't know my own needs anymore. You could ask, "Do I need to eat today to stay alive?" The answer would be no. I could skip a few meals and be okay for a little while.
Do I need to hurt myself? Probably not.
But when hunger pains come we eat so when this pain keeps coming we do what we have to do to make it go away. Hunger pains return...life pains return.
Maybe I do need to do this.

Hi Chero

Being at that wedding with your husband must have been incredibly stressful. Does anyone close to know what's going on? It's not as if you're doing something wrong by separating from him - you're keeping yourself safe.

Emotional pain is the mind's way of telling us that there's an issue that needs to be addressed, just as physical pain is. It's not your enemy. Would you consider counseling at this point?

It's okay if you self-injure - there's no shame in it. I think it's great that you're so willing, in such a stressful situation, to come here and learn more about your urges. Learning is forward motion. Try to keep moving forward.

Take gentle care.