bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I'll feel much better once I cut, but the situation wont change, the feelings will just return tomorrow in addition to the ones I will be feeling from having cut
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? I'll get that rush that always makes me feel calmer when I am freaking out about something like I am now. I'll feel better, but it will take away the 9 days I have made it without SI.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I want to feel loved and cared about, not that I'm someone to be used and cheated on. I want someone to care about me for me. And hurting myself really wont help that.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? It will last long enough so I can calm down and sleep.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I'm talkin to my friends at the moment, becca from here and my ILF Dustin, who used to cut, so I'm in good hands.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? Ill feel like shit if I hurt myself, and tomorrow I'll feel a lil better I guess, knowing that I made it.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I just want to be loved, and cuddled, and held till the fucking world goes away. I'm gonna have to just go somewhere tomorrow and cuddle with someone. Dustin lets me do it lol


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I am so angry with myself for fucking letting myself get walked on again. Got cheated on once again. It's my fuckin fault, this always happens.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? Yes, and I cut, and I felt good, because I punished myself for being so fuckin stupid
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I've tried the ice cube trick, and talking to friends. I don't know what to do, sleep maybe?
• How do I feel right now?
  Unloved, full of self hate
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  Numb to all those emotions, letting the anger out on myself
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? shitty
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  become celibate
• Do I need to hurt myself?

Feels like it

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

Got cheated on once again. It's my fuckin fault, this always happens.

I am very sorry you were hurt. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I hope you can realize that it isn't your fault. You are not in control of anyone else's choices.