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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
I had a difficult therapy session where we discussed all the rituals and rules surrounding my SI, and on top of that all my recent worries.

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  If I hurt myself I will be giving in to the triggers, it might ease things for a bit but no more.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  It will ease things, but break trust with my T who talks about hard stuff with me with the trust that I'll manage
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I want to quit SI and so this will make it harder
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  Not long, the evening, then the flashbacks will come back worse anyway
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  Just stay here, online, cope
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  I will feel the same tomorrow whichever I do
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Really, I want to cut, but I am trying not to.


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  Being upset by T session, flashbacks, worries.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  
  I haven't really talked to a T this deeply non IP
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  Bussed, msned, I will try and keep doing these things
• How do I feel right now?
  
  I feel low, angry, upset, suicidal, I have flashbacks and I feel triggered
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  Less tense, safer
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  
  I don't know, the same aI guiess
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  I need to try and tell my T if I feel triggered
• Do I need to hurt myself?

No. But I want to

hey hon. proud of you for doing a before. im here for a bit if you want to talk sweets.

Hi Pagmie

I'm proud of you too for talking w your t...I know it must be very difficult for you.

I think you're right - I think it's important to be honest with your t about when you're triggered, and to talk with him/her about a safety plan for when you're home and dealing with flashbacks. Your t needs to know that you're having some trouble, and the two of you can talk about some strategies for coping.

You're doing great.