After - First Attempt at Post

[leemc77]

*This happened last night...

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes

what had happened just before?
Stress of end of the school year
Last day of school, but confronted by boss before I left (2 days in a row)
Concerns about not finding a new school to work at next year
Argument with my mother
New Therapist Appointment
Trying to help an aquaintance with their problems
Not hearing back from my brother (my main support person)
Incredibly lonely - confronting the fact that I may be alone forever

what were you thinking and feeling?
I HATE MYSELF! I can't do anything right. My mother will never love me. I miss my therapist - why didn't she call me back? How can I help other when I can't help myself?

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
The evening is the most difficult time of the day for me. I was always reflect and dwell on the happenings of the day. Final straw - self loathing, knowing my mother will never understand me or love me

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I could have not answered my mother's call - but she would have kept trying my home and cell phones and would have yelled at me the next time I speak with her. (Yes, I'm an adult - isn't this silly that I'm still trying to please her?) No response from my brother.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I've not been the best with staying on track with my meds schedule recently - totally my fault, but the stress is taking a toll on my memory. I need to put notes around the house or something to remind me to take them....

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Reading
Online
Rocking and pacing
Trying to contact people
Looking through my coping packet I received during one of my IP stays - but nothing seemed to be working last night

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I tried lots of many things...maybe I just need to keep trying...???

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
1- Try to get in touch with someone I trust
2- Take my anxiety meds, though I hate to rely on meds

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Still stressed - not resolved, so much to deal with
Need to chill - this is almost impossible as I am OCD, but I can't dwell on these things

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
YES
Reflecting--->leading to depression and anxiety

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
!- Try and keep at going through skills in coping workbook
2- Call and keep calling friends until I reach someone
3- Take anxiety meds


About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.


What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
Nothing else worked - but I did resist the urge to burn (which is good for me)

Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
Actually, I'm not exactly sure

What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
??

If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
Increased, I suppose???

What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Being alone for sure
Not having IRL support
Having tools available for sure

If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
When it's that bad - I will find a way

After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.
Not sure, let me think on that one...

Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
Yes - in OCD thoughts and in retrospect

If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
Dwelling on negative thoughts

What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
See above...

Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
On many occasions, they can be

If No - What coping skills got me through?
??

Why do I think they worked?
??

How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
IDK yet

**Sorry, I'm new at this - not sure if I'm doing this right, please let me know...thanks for your feedback.

[LBC]

Hi leemc77

I'm glad you posted here. There's no "right" or "wrong" way to answer the questions, so don't worry...everybody uses them a little differently.

It does sound like you've got a lot on your plate right now...no wonder you're feeling stressed. And it sounds like you're being very hard on yourself right now too - I hear a *lot* of self-judgement and "never" and "always" statements..."My mother will never love me"..."I will always be alone"...is it possible that you mom does love you, but just isn't giving you what you need right now? Do you have a crystal ball that shows you that you'll always be alone? Does thinking in such extreme terms help you get through an urge, or make things worse?

I understand the urge not to rely on meds...I really do...but OCD really does respond well to meds in many cases. I have mild OCD myself, and meds made all the difference in the world. I also think you hit on something when you say that excessive reflection on your life is not always a good thing...it wasn't with me when my OCD wasn't under control, that's for sure.

Did answering the questions help?

Take gentle care.