bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  the flashback won't come. the voices will leave me alone. the body feelings will go away.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  it will bring some kind of calm and reality back. it will take away yet another day si free.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i want to NOT have any flashbacks, and body feelings and voices in my head that yell at me. and no more violence.
  hurting myself is violence i am doing unto myself. so that won#t help at all.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  the relief... might not even be there. two days ago there was no relief. none at all.
  so if there's no relief i cut myself for nothing. nothing at all. just makes me feel worse.
  if i do feel relief it wont last long.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i am trying to turn on the tv, writing befores. talking to people online. talking on the fone to my gf. im trying everythign atm
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  if i hurt myself i will... i MIGHT feel relief.
  tomorrow i will feel ashamed na dangry.
  if i do the other thing... it'll just start again at some point. but so will it if i hurt myself. nothing helps against it.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

what i want to do is be safe.
i can ... i dunt know.


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  my tummy's been hurting. reminds me too much of bad things. and i am supposed to go to a graveyard which also reminds me of bad things. and i called my new t which reminds me of bad things.
  too much reminding of bad things
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  yes.
  i called my gf. i cuddled my gf. i ... cut. hah. i felt worseafter cutting. cudlding my gf helsp. shes on her way.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  i have tried to walk. but the tummyache was too bad. i am cuddling my kitten. i am trying to talk to people. im okay. no. i will be okay. at some point.
• How do I feel right now?
  aweful. scared. panicked. panicked panicked. VERY panicked. need to calm down. calm down calm down.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  calmer. awful. devastated.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  calmer. better. worse. i dunno. tomorrow i will feel worse. defenitely.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  i cant avoid it. i dunno how to deal with it.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

no. no. NO!!!

Clouds, what I am hearing from you is that you don't really want to hurt yourself. You know that in the end if you get any relief at all it will be shortlived.

You are doing the right things - going for a walk, cuddling the kitten, waiting for your girlfriend. You should be proud of yourself for that. What else can you do to distract until your girlfriend gets home and can sit with you? Do you have a safety box? Maybe think about putting one together if you don't have one, or switching up some of the stuff in it if you do. Could help.

Keep fighting, Cloudya. I see a lot of strength in this post.

Love,
Stevie