bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I will feel calmer and more focus for a little while. Then I will mostly like be mad at myself and unable to focus again
  
  
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It will be more familiar. I will be able to get relief the way I used to... It will take away my 110 days SI free.
  
  
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to be SI free and not regret slipping. Prom is in about 3 weeks, so I cant risk SIing in an obvious place... SIing will get me farther from being SI free (obviously ) and I will be mad that I gave in. It will only make the depression worse
  
  
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  the relief will be great for about 5 minutes or so. Then I will feel mad, bad, sad, guilty, a whole mess of emotions that will only make me more depressed and more likely to get back into the pattern of SI.
  
  
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could focus on doing homework, and get through one task at a time. I could take a shower. I could organize something. Those things will allow me to feel like I have more control over the situation. hopefully the change will last the rest of the night, but the feelings may come back later.
  
  
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I will be really disappointed in myself. I promised my coach I would tell him if I slipped. He doesnt get mad, he just gets disappointed. I cant face him being disappointed in me- it breaks my heart. I will be proud of myself if I can get through the night without SIing.
  
  
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to cut and see the blood and feel the relief. I cant do that. Instead, I can look through the crazy long list of coping alternatives and hopefully find something that is right for me if the other things I said earlier dont work.

~Megan

Hi

I hope you got through. It sounds like you had a good handle on things you could do. Do you know why you wanted to hurt yourself, what feeling you wanted to get rid of? Sometimes that can help you target your coping mechanisms bette.r

Thanks for the reply! I was able to get through it. idk exactly why i wanted to SI. I guess I was just overwhelmed with life in general. When that happens, I tend to revert back to old coping ways/whatever that worked in the past... At least it has passed for now. Last night was just bad in general. Today was significantly better and I dont really feel urgy, so thats a good thing!

~Megan

Well done! That's also reall good for the future as well - you know you can ride out an urge and it'll be okay.