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Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  
  Yes.
  
  
• what had happened just before?
  
  I was hanging out with my roommate and her friend, playing a silly game and drinking wine.
  
  
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  
  I was feeling overwhelmed by having to meet another new person this weekend. My urges had been building for a while and I couldn't handle it anymore.
  
  
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  
  I don't know. I just couldn't handle any more. I was feeling so stressed and overwhelmed and I couldn't fight the urges any longer.
  
  
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  
  I spent the weekend at my sister's for her college graduation. There was a lot of family stress and I had to meet a lot of new people because her friends' families were also there. After I got home we had someone new spending the night in our house and then my roommate had a visitor yesterday and so that was someone else new I had to deal with. It was too many people in too short a time period for me to handle. I'm really not sure what I could do about it because dealing with the large group was obligatory for the college graduation.
  
  
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  
  We had been drinking wine, but I didn't have too much. I am off my Lunesta because I can't afford it right now, so I am taking over the counter sleepaids (Unisom) right now.
  
  
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  
  I tried reminding myself that I was fine, that nothing bad was going to happen. I tried doing some arts and crafts (I like to make hemp jewelry) earlier in the day when I was feeling urgy. I tried knitting a bit. I read for a while.
  
  
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  
  I could have taken out my safety box. That is what it is there for. I could have made some phone calls.
  
  
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  
  I have phone number written in the lid of my safety box to remind me to make phone calls. I will leave my safety box somewhere that I can see it to remind me to use it.
  
  
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  
  It is not resolved and is only going to get worse, as we have some girls coming to stay in our house next week, and one even has to share my room. This is out of my hands and I have no control over the situation. I have no idea how I can make myself feel better about it.
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  
  I will be in this situation again when these girls come next week. I have social anxiety, so I know it is going to be an issue. I don't know what to do about it.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

What else can I do? I had already tried so much! I will commit to making the phone calls I didn't make this time. I will try to talk to the roommate who knows I SI to get some support. I will attempt to stay out of my bedroom and away from my tools.

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  
  I was feeling overwhelmed and had been for several days. I needed some relief.
  
  
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  
  It was just there. I have my own room right now and can just go upstairs and close the door.
  
  
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  
  I probably would have had a panic attack.
  
  
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  
  Increased. I have been fighting urges for a while now and they kept getting stronger.
  
  
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  
  Being alone or being able to isolate myself. I only SI when I am upset or depressed or anxious and need relief from it, so I wait for those feelings.
  
  
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  
  I would feel upset and panicky. I would probably start to have a full blown panic attack if the urges were bad enough and I couldn't SI.

Further ruminations:
I am terribly worried about next week. I don't think I am going to be able to handle having four people in my house that I don't know, one of whom is going to have to share my room. That means that I won't have any privacy at all, which eliminates the opportunity to SI. In all honesty, I'd rather cut than have a panic attack and hyperventilate and pass out. I feel foolish and irrational when I panic. I feel relieved when I cut.

I also feel like a failure right now. Today would have been two months SI free, and instead, I cut last night and have to start counting again at one. I feel like everyone is going to know and be disappointed in me and that I failed everyone. Especially myself. I am a perfectionist and this only proves further that I am not perfect.

*sigh* Input appreciated. Immensely.

Love,
Stevie

It sounds like you have a lot of plans in action for the next time you feel these urges. I sincerely hope you carry them out and remember what you listed out next time. Having people you don't really know come into your house and especially share your room is difficult. Can your roommate or sibling (I'm not sure which) say in your room instead and have the guests stay together in the other room? Privacy would still be an issue, but at least you'd have someone you're comfortable with in your room.

Remember, just because you slipped doesn't mean the time you spent SI free is wasted. Two months is a long time, and you did very well. Think of it not so much as starting over, but continuing. Take care of you.

I can really understand the concern with having so many people around. That's a situation that makes me anxious, too.

If someone does end up with you in your room, can you think of any ways to kind of "steal" privacy, even if it's not always in your room? Go for a walk when you start to feel overwhelmed. Tell them you have a lunch or dinner obligation that you just can't get out of, and go to a restaurant by yourself. Offer to do errands when the opportunity comes up. Go to bed early one night and read in your room.

Those are some of the strategies I use to just grab little moments of privacy when the house is too crowded. Forcing yourself to go out if you can has the added bonus of getting you some fresh air and reducing opportunity to SI.

And, as notmardy said, don't be too hard on yourself for slipping. You went without SI for two months, and no one can ever take it from you. Plus, now you know you can do it again.

Notmardy:
I am finding that my problem is not necessarily having the coping skills, because I always try so many things before I resort to SI, but having them actually work. I make lists, I follow through with the activities on the lists, and I still feel so overwhelmed that by the time I run out of things to do I am so frustrated that they didn't help the way I had hoped that I SI anyway. Is there anyway to avoid that? How do I get past that feeling and keep fighting?

LBC:
I do intent to employ some of those suggestions. Going for walks, hikes, or runs here where I live is common and I am at the perfect facility to do so. My big problem is that when I get anxious I isolate, and I need to isolate someplace comfortable and familiar, which happens to be my room, which happens to be the place where someone else will be staying. Though I will ask, as per notmardy's suggestion, mo roommate if she might be willing to sleep in my room or let me share hers and have the new folk share a room.

I know no one can take those 59 days SI free away from me. But it feels like I failed myself. I also feel like I opened the floodgates, because now all I want to do every time I start to get anxious or upset is SI. My thoughts immnediately turn to my tools instead of my safety box and list of phone numbers. I would give anything to take those few moments back.

Love,
Stevie

Yeah that is difficult when you go through the list of coping mechanisms and reach the end and still feel frustrated from the end. I think it's just finding that *one* coping mechanism that works for you...I know for me talking to people, going on a drive, or some combination of those helps me along and generally are my "sure fire". I wish I had an answer better than trial and error. But resisting the urge to SI is doable, and I know you can do it. It won't be easy and you may feel uncomfortable, but personally I think that's better than the crappy feeling I feel after I SI. (sometimes I just forget about that feeling).

Take care.