bus

* have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Taken care of.

* what had happened just before?
I was debating with my self whether to do it or not.

* what were you thinking and feeling?
I was feeling like crap, and thinking that this would work

* why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
My parents have been acting negatively towards me, and the lack of privacy in my house, my parents were driving me nuts.

* how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Well I could have told my parents of my problem, maybe then they would treat me a bit better or maybe even worse. But the past day or two have been leading up to it. The urge wouldn't break I tried all my usual ways to distract myself. Nothing was working.

* were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
School stress plus a lack of sleep in the past couple days is probably why I'm feeling so bad.

* what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried the rubberband, ice, writing, reading, watching tv, listening to music, playing with my rubiks cube(it usually relaxes me) and a few other things but it wasn't getting any releif from the urge.

* in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I should have given the methods a little more time and the urge may have subsided but my emotional state today has been a little edgy.

* name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Relaxing music, and the ice, they usually work the most for me, but sometimes they don't

* how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It's not resolved, my parents are still probably going to be acting the same way towards me tomorrow and my parents never leave me be. And if my parents found out I cut it will end up being worse for me, my parents have a tendency to over react towards things like this. But I'll just try to live on, avoid my parents for a few days if possible.

* are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yes, probably, but this hasn't resulted in me cutting before, it never did, other things usually came into play, but I'll recognnize the situation just because how I feel. I feel mentally drained from school and my parents are making me feel like crap about school. My state of mind rarely is like this.

* what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will commit to trying to meditate(used to help )
I will commit to trying to listen to relaxing music
I will commit to trying to squeeze some ice


About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.


* What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
The opportunity, also the easy access to the blade

* Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was there for the taking

* What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
I would've made an opportunity, gotten into an arguement with my parents probably so they would leave me alone.

* If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
increased

* What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Being alone, the feeling, and the inability to deal with the urge.

* If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
Angry, sad, even more urged to cut.

I think you have some good ideas for how to help yourself get through all this...but it sounds like it is unusual for you to use SI in a situation like this. Is that right?
This really stood out to me...

School stress plus a lack of sleep in the past couple days is probably why I'm feeling so bad

You are able to recognize where the problem is coming from, which is great. It might be worth looking at how you can change the situation, as well as looking for ways to cope with it. You mentioned talking to your parents, but it sounded like that one might just as easily turn negative, and you don't want that. What can you do to help yourself sleep? Do you have a way to relax at bedtime? Enough time in bed? And school stress...I realize you are probably already doing just about everything you can there. But is there more help available to you somewhere? Tutoring, or study partners who could help?
Is there a way to limit the amount of time you think about school? Obviously if you aren't studying, start. But I doubt it is that simple...is there a way to make some times focused on school and then kinda let the pressure off at other times? Right now it sounds like the pressure never lets up, which has to wear you out...it might even be making it harder to sleep. Maybe schedule some "off time" from school and do something you enjoy (take a walk, play a sport, talk to some friends, whatever) especially if it is physically active, it may help you sleep better.
That got long...sorry. I hope some of this is useful to you.

NobodyToYou wrote:I think you have some good ideas for how to help yourself get through all this...but it sounds like it is unusual for you to use SI in a situation like this. Is that right?

My cutting wasn't usually school related, I used to be able to deal with school pretty well. I used to get more stress off other things and not as much from school it used to be more off emotional stress. But when I do look back on yesterday, I can't help but thinking, "What the hell was I thinking?" I don't feel the stress as much today and see no need of going back to my old ways. I guess that constitutes this as a slip as I see no need to cut again. But then again who knows what the following days will bring.

You are able to recognize where the problem is coming from, which is great. It might be worth looking at how you can change the situation, as well as looking for ways to cope with it.

We've had a lot of things going on at school and I can't keep half the stuff off my mind, all this testing has been driving me nuts. Plus my grades took a bit of a nosedive a few months ago in a couple of my harder classes. I'm slowly bringing them back up but it has been hard.

Is there a way to limit the amount of time you think about school? Obviously if you aren't studying, start. But I doubt it is that simple...is there a way to make some times focused on school and then kinda let the pressure off at other times?

It's kinda hard not to think about school but I try to keep it of my mind in my free time.

Right now it sounds like the pressure never lets up, which has to wear you out...it might even be making it harder to sleep. Maybe schedule some "off time" from school and do something you enjoy (take a walk, play a sport, talk to some friends, whatever) especially if it is physically active, it may help you sleep better.

Most of the time though the pressure doesn't let up, other times it lets up a little, thats when I get time to relax. But sometimes it does feel like the world is on my shoulders, like yesterday.

That got long...sorry.
I hope some of this is useful to you.

It has been.