after

[kendra]

After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yeah it wasn't bad I think
  
• what had happened just before?
  I did a police report
  
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  I just want this all to stop, I was overwhelmed and out of control
  
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I guess I wanted to feel like I was in control, even though it just showed I wasn't. I wanted to feel something, and have something to focus on. I wanted to calm down.
  
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  In the back of my head I had a feeling something bad was going to happed, I should have acted on that feeling and if this happens again I could ask for an escort to my car from the bart police (that's partially what they are there for and they were nicer than the regular cop)
  
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  Nope I was in a good mood before all this began
  
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  I tried driving around, useually getting out and away helps me calm down and keeps me safe since I'm not around anything I could use. This didn't work, I did not feel safe because I was not able to concentrate.
  
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  Breathing exercises or meditation type things possibly, hitting or kicking some inanimate object like a pillow or cardboard box. I need to think of more.
  
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  Put a note on my drawer saying to stop and breath- also put it in my wallet since I had to go and buy the tools (I threw these ones away too though)
  Print the coping strategy/distractions list thingy and highlight the things that may work for me
  
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  No I don't think it's resolved, I'm going to park at another bart station and hang around with friends if I hear from him. If I do hear from him I will let him know to leave me alone and I did file a report. I will consider the restraining order but I want to see how the next day or two goes. I need to get some sleep or else the lack of sleep part will apply.
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  I hope not, but I am going to listen to my gut instinct in the future especially if I end up being parked far away and at night and all
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Ask the attendant to get bart police
Call k
Breath deeply
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  I've been seeing a trend, although the times have gotten fewer I seem to be doing it when I'm in a impulsive or spaced out type of state, it is harder to control and a newer or at least more frequent state I have not really been able to "come back" and I am not in a state of mind where I can think clearly if I want to do this, what are the repercussions and things like that.
  
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  I made the opportunity by buying the tools
  
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  I'm not sure, I'm going to make an effort to call a friend and possibly ask to go to her house so I can calm down.
  
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  Increased for this situation
  
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  this had to be the new tools
  
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

anxious and that tight feeling inside. I need to get rid of the opportunity and not make another one- staying away from the grocery store can be a goal of something not to do next time

[mallie]

It sounds like the events of your day probably weren't typical. Do you think that the feelings you experienced today are usual for when you SI, or was this a more stressful situation that normal?

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I hope not, but I am going to listen to my gut instinct in the future especially if I end up being parked far away and at night and all

This sounds like a way to avoid a physical situation, the circumstances you dealt with today, rather than the *emotional* place you were at. I guess thats what my first question was about. If this incidence of SI came about because of feelings of not being safe, and that isn't usual for you, some of these questions may not be as useful as for 'typical' SI triggers.

What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I've been seeing a trend, although the times have gotten fewer I seem to be doing it when I'm in a impulsive or spaced out type of state, it is harder to control and a newer or at least more frequent state I have not really been able to "come back" and I am not in a state of mind where I can think clearly if I want to do this, what are the repercussions and things like that.

Have you tried making your tools less accessible? If SI is occurring when you're not feeling in control, making it a little harder to get at your tools might give you time to come back to yourself a little. There are ideas on coping - things about hiding tools in the bottom of a box with coping ideas on the outside, freezing things like blades in ice, so you have to wait for it to melt before you can cut, wrapping in many layers of tape, etc. Would this sort of thing be useful?

[kendra]

the situation definitely was not normal, the feeling while in the situation is getting to be too normal- its the out of control spaced out type of feeling, which tends to have been the feeling associated with the last few times I have ended up cutting.
If this feeling-dissociating type feeling but not really sure if this is correct- is getting more common I do want to figure out how to handle it since it has been what I really recognize as a similarity between this time and the last time. Maybe I can get some easy type puzzle books so if I start to feel this way it is something to concentrate or focus on.

As for the tools, I like the idea of wrapping them up really well and hiding them, I thought throwing them away would be a good deterrent but that may be better since it ended up being so easy to just go buy them. I had done that before and it actually worked very well. Maybe I will also put them in a box I lock, that way I also need to look for the key, and put some nice things inside on top and all that good stuff.