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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? it wont change anything, i will probably feel worse.
  
  
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? nothin, again nothin
  
  
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? farther prlly
  
  
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? relief lasts a bit, but i dont know what i will do after it runs out
  
  
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I could work out or something but i dont have time for that (i dont have "time" to do this either).
  
  
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? I will definitly feel worse if i hurt myself, I probably wont feel worse if i work out.
  
  
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really just want to feel better, more alive, i dont know just more normal less "ahhhhh"


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I feeel out of control, dull to life. My stupidness has brought me to this point, i dont do anything when i should adn it all jumps out at me at the last minute and im overwhelmed.
  
  
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes, i didnt deal with it. I felt like i do now, like poo.
  
  
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? i have tried calmin music, talkin to friends, deep breathin. I dont know what else i can do, im just sooo stressed out. I can try doing those things more but they just arent doin the trick right now.
  
  
• How do I feel right now? I feel all out of control of my life, everythings just all scary. im depressed like none other, very slight SU thoughts (no plan tho, just lil thoughts), i havent been at this place for a long time and it scares me.
  
  
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself? i dont usually feel anything, or feel better but i also feel even more out of control when im doing it.
  
  
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? maybe better for a lil bit, tomorrow i will feel even worse im sure.
  
  
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? YES, i need better "school" stress avoidance skills... it is my HUGEST PROBLEM
  
  
• Do I need to hurt myself?

I dont really know, I really want to like almost feel like i need to but i know that i shouldnt. so i dunno

I'm sorry you're feeling that way School stress is the WORST. I have SI'ed many times over that.

Some things that I find that help me cope are taking a nice hot bath as a reward for finishing my homework (minus razors in the tub of course), or a really good scream into a pillow when I get stressed in the middle of my work.

Also maybe it would help to make yourself a schedule that you can follow so that you don't get all stressed out about doing things last minute?

The schedule thing definitely helped me. It went something like this:

2:30- Arrive home from school

2:30 - 3:00 - Relax and get something to eat

3:00-4:00 - Work on homework

4:00-4:30 - Take a break and relax

4:30- 6 ish- Work on homework untill dinner

6:00- 7:00 - Dinner

7:00- 8:00 - Finish up homework

8:00- 8:45 - Nice hot bath

8:45 - 9:45 - Relax

10:00 - Bed


Obviously the times are going to be different for you but what I wanted to illustrate is that the homework isnt taken in one big chunk. That is an instant stressor if you try to get it all done at once.

Instead what you might try doing is breaking it up. An hr of homework, a half hour of relaxing. Sounds more manageable right?


And relaxing before bed is very important because you will sleep much better if you do that, and that of course carries on into the next day and god knows you'll be stressed if you're sleep deprived


Hope you feel better


<3 Sarah

thanks so much for the reply I totally need more time management skills like that! I feel alot better now because the weather is grand here

i think i will try that schedulin thing soon

I like Sarah's suggestions.

If you're out of control, what things can you control? I find cleaning soothing because I get to assert my will over the room and bring it back into order. You might not like cleaning but the general point remains.

Can you make a list of the things that are scary? Can you create action plans for them, plans as to how you're going to get through them, what you'll do to prepare, and what you'll do after if things go wrong (or right)?