Before...first time i've completed this questionnaire
Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 3:42 pm
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I need to do something dramatic, i neeed to make a statement, i need to express my emotions i need to do the physical version of screaming out load and crying hysterically - i have no tears in me but want to tear myself up instead, i need to show the world that i am not 'getting better' that it is not'just coming off the meds' i need to do something that makes me different i need to agghhhhhh i dont know i need to hurt myself because i need to hurt myself
Why am i here - i have no one to turn to and cant express what i am feeling...its all just going tits up and i can get control of things any other way
- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, and i cut myself then and it felt good. but now i want to really hurt myself, i want something more, not just poxy cuts i wnat proper injuries, its the only way to express what i feel.
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've been for a walk, i am going to see my counsellor in 1 hour, i cant think of anything else that would help. everything i think of sounds pathetic and not big enough for the job, i wish i could draw what i am feeling but i cant, i wish i coauld wirte what i am feeling but it all comes out as mush
cutting would be someting i could actually do
- How do I feel right now?
Hyper, anxious, full of electricity, verging on tears, slightly hysterical, shivvery, cant concentrate, wnat to jump of a building, want to smack myself in the face, wnat to scream really loudly, wnat to throw this computer across the room
- How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
calm, relieved, in control, soothed, happy, content, justified,
- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I wont care straight after, tomorrow i wont understand how i felt right now, the day after i cut i cant understand how i ever got to the point where i wanted to do it, i am disgusted my the marks and hate myself even more.
But straight after i will feel elated
- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I dont know cos i dont know what this stressor was
- Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes, at this precise moment i really need to hurt myself. I am longing to do it, but know i have to wait until after my counselling session. I cant wait, but am filled with premature disappointement cos i know that there is a chance i wont want to after the session. Which is good inthe long run but at this moment i really want to hurt myself and the thought of not doing so is disappointing.
im sorry you feel that way...ive been there too.