before

[caged bird]

bad urges so here goes

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I'll feel less stressed and more relieved, i'll be able to get rid of the thoughts running through my head and claear my mind for a bit

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

it will bring clarity to my mind for a while, but i guess it will tkae away my sense of emotions.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

in the long run i'd like my counselling sessions to mae things overall easier and i'd like to get to the bottom of some of my issues. i guess if I SI then it'll be further becasue i'll be reverting back to old methods and also will probably never go back to counselling

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

hmmm not too sure i guess it'#ll probably be fairly temporary although after 3 years i'm not sure i really remember how it feels to cut. when the relief has gone i guess i'll cut again - and so would begin the downward spiral

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

i've tried a lot of stuff tonight - i've had a couple of drinks which probably hasn't helped the urges but has made my emotions a bit easier to express (although clearly not enough) I've been on distractions and through the list of coping strategies as well as eventaually taling to a frined for a bit despite being really reluctant to burden him wiht it all. I guess i'm running out of options a bit so now it's cut or waste more time on here and then head to bed

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

i'll feel horrible and disappointed tomorrow if i cut, if i stay online i'll feel disappointed becasue i blatantly won't make it onto work tomorrow having been in a mood like this today but i will be proud that i haven't cut i guess.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i think i really want to cry, i want to get out all the bad stuff that re-surfaced earlier at counselling, but my head/body/something is stopping me from doing that

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

i've been triggered for ages today, my counselling session earlier made me face a few things that i wasn't prepared for and now i'm feeling very low, lost and confused.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

i'm sure i have although i can't remember ever having urges quite this strong before - i guess i've coped before by filling these questions out and distracting myself until the urge passes

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

i've tried lots, coping, distractions, games, normal posts, chatting to a frined on msn, my nest resort is bed or calling a helpline

How do I feel right now?

frustrated becasue i don't know how to cope with these feelings i have, annoyed with myself for letting things get to me again, frightened at how easily urges can come back and be so strong, alone becasue i don't know who i can talk to completely about all this

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

relief

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

guilty and more depressed adn disappointed than i do already

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

i could not have counselling but as i've promised to give it a go and clearly have issues that need woring on i guess i just have to learn to distract myself better after a session or have someon else to use as support when they go bad.

Do I need to hurt myself?

i thought long and hard about this one, i don't know that i need to, want to maybe but probably don't need to and infact i know that i can't becasue i've come too far and wored too hard for the last 3 years to ,loose all of that now.
i feel calmer now too which is a massive positive