Before, *sigh* idk how to handle this

[dncn4lyfe77]

* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

Im manic right now, and it keeps my mind from racing so I can calm down and sleep.


* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

Yeah Ive been here, and I cut to deal with it. I felt relieved because I could finally sleep

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

Ive browsed these boards, Im writing this, I could maybe take a hot bath or sumthing but I dont trust myself around the razors

* How do I feel right now?
Iritable, distracted, unable to sit still, thoughts are racing


* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Ill feel more calm and stable, and relieved that I have control again instead of being all over the place

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

Guilty, shitty, and thats going to make me feel bad about myself which will lead me to want to cut again

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I cant really avoid it till my meds kick in better, but maybe I can do productive things to keep myself busy as long as I feel the need to move...but then I wont be able to sleep either, and that isnt good for me

* Do I need to hurt myself?

I feel like I do, it feels like its the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes...but I dont think in reality I need to...just in my mind i do


* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

Ill be calm for a while but then the manic is just going to come back later, it always does...

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

It will help me sleep, so Ill wake up less agitated and feel better...but at the same time Ill feel worse because I cut

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to feel more in control of myself, because when Im manic it feels like im spinning out of control. Hurting myself lets me gain back that control and lets me be able to think clearly instead of having my thoughts bouncing around everywhere. In the long run though I need to find another way to do that....cutting is just a quick fix


* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

The relief will last long enough so i can get to sleep...when i wake up tomorrow the manic feeling will be back and Ill end up where I started....and then Ill probably do it again because my rational will be that I just did it the night before so im not killing my progress, and i can "just stop after this time instead"


* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I could keep reading threads here...or I could try some meditation, or try to focus really hard on one thing. It will bring temporary relief maybe, or it might just make me more frustrated because I cant concentrate on the task no matter how hard i try....its killing me to just do this...but im making myself

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

Tomorrow if I cut, Ill feel like the scum of the earth, and a failure, and be more agitated and manic. If I do the other things then Ill feel better that I made it one more day without cutting, but the urge is still gonna be there, and so is the mania

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to be able to sleep, or at least keep my thoughts from racing and wanting to move around and do alot of stuff. I dont know what I can do right now, thats why im doing this thing i guess