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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

It's easy this time. Uncle Jeff just died.

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  Nothing will change the situation. SI will ease some emotional pain.
  
  
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  It will bring nothing. It will take away some emotional pain.
  
  
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I want to feel better. SI will bring me closer to feeling better.
  
  
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  I dont' know. I don't even know if it will work.
  
  
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  I could bring out my safety box. Nothing will change the situation, ever. He's dead. Death is permanent.
  
  
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  I will still be grieving, either way.
  
  
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to be held by someone. But I can't. None of my friends are answering their phones. Best I can do is hug my teddy bear. I want the pain to leave me.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  
  Uncle Jeff died
  
  
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  
  No. You only die once.
  
  
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  Cried and cried and cried. Called my sister and my mother. Talked online a little. Tried to call my friends. I could pull out my saftey box, but I don't know if I can handle even that right now.
  
  
• How do I feel right now?
  
  Absolutely miserable. Grieving.
  
  
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  
  Better. Focused. Comforted
  
  
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  
  Still miserable and grieving. Just maybe a little less so if I cut.
  
  
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  No. He's dead.
  
  
• Do I need to hurt myself?

Need to? Yes. Want to? No.


Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.