bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself: A feeling that I'll never be good enough - that I'll always hae this pain.

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  It won't - but it will temporarily make myself feel better.
  
  
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? Temporary relief - feeling worse in the long run.
  
  
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I just want to not hurt and to maybe like myself and be able to dream in my self again.
  
  
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? A few hours - maybe i'll be calmed down to do something constructinve.
  
  
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? Call someone - but that's scary.
  
  
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? Stupid - but at least I handled it. calling someone ashamed to show weakness.
  
  
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Cut or od - anything to stop the feelings.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer
Not drinking - having lots of oldfeelings triggered. Being pressured by my Ad dr.

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? It's this or od into oblivions
  
  
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes - drinking - made me feel worse
  
  
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? curled up in bed and focused on felling warm soft and safe - told myself that no one can hurt me anymore.
  
  
• How do I feel right now? sad
  
  
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself? powerful
  
  
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? relieved - stupid for givign in
  
  
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I can try to stay with the feelings longer.
  
• Do I need to hurt myself?

Yes


Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

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balletomane
forum moderator - before & after



Joined: 10 Feb 2005
Posts: 8473
Location: the second ring of the seventh circle of hell
Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 9:10 pm Post subject:

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After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yes
  
  
• what had happened just before? I'd taken x mg of xocolone and x ativan to try to knock myself out and it wasn't working. so i GOT A RAZOR AND ritually broke it apart.
  
  
• what were you thinking and feeling? fear, relief, shame, despair
  
  
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? not drinking is realy hard - felling like I contanstantly have to explain si, feeling like my supports aren't in place.
  
  
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. being told how well I'm doing in treatment when I'm feeling like shit
  
  
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? drugs arent' helping
  
  
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? self soothing - mindfullness - sort of helped but not really
  
  
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? calling a hot line but they scare me.
  
  
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. I dont' have to hurt myself. I can call a friend, I can go for a walk until the urge passes.
  
  
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? Not really - I've got a lot of bad self esteem shit / past & present / that I have to work thorugh.
  
  
  
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? shit yes. i'll just know.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Make myself safe. call someone. go to a hospital.

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you. being alone and halving the tools.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  Not sure
  
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  Made the opportunity
  
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? taken more drugs andhoped theyd take the edge off.
  
  
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  INCREASED.
  
  
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  Being alone, having the tools, havign the right level of blacknoise in my head.
  
  
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

Sad

After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one. Telling msyelf its not an option. but a big part of it was drinking and since i've stopped that...

• Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
  Yes
  
• If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
  Despaor. fear
  
• What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
  SI'd
  
• Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
  No
  
• If No - What coping skills got me through?
  SI'ing
  
• Why do I think they worked?
  immediate short term distraction
  
• How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in? try writing how I'm feelling. asking for help.

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

edited by balletomane

I'm sorry about the SI. I'm glad you posted though in an attempt to work out why it happened and how to keep it from happening in the future though.

My biggest suggestion would be to think of more coping mechanisms to use other than calling someone, because calling someone is scary. Perhaps get a good buddy list going online, or find some distractions that are useful.

I hope you get through this, and if you need to chat I'm available.