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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i will feel numb. i want numb right now. i am hurting.
  
  
  
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  i will feel nbumb. hah im repeating myself. it will take away the pain i am feeling.
  i'll have lots of other problems to deal with then though.
  
  
  
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i want to feel healthy and good about myself.
  hurting myself will only make me feel sicker. not healthy.
  
  
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  the relief won'T probably even last a minute because i'll have my gf and the aftermath to deal with. Can NOT hurt myself right now. need to fight this.
  
  
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i will browse around the boards. i will reply in other people'S threads to distract myself. i will then walk my amd my gf's dogs.
  this will last... until i'm in school. there i know i'll feel miserable. but i'll have my gf there.
  this change will not last long. but it'S the best i can do right now.
  
  
  
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  if i hurt myself i will feel embarrassed, guilty, horrible. defected.
  if i hang in there, i will feel like i got another chance to do things the right way.
  
  
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

what i really want to do right now is punch my uncles. how can i best honor this self-protective instinct? maybe i should go for a run... i might try that.

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  i feel the need to hurt myself because i am slowly but surely facing my past. i tried to write an angry rant. i tried to write a letter to my inner child. there's so muhc going on right now. i feel so muhc despair. but i am still hanging in there. that can only be a good thing.
  
  
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  i haven't been at this point of healing before. i have never tried writing a letter to my inner child. i have never tried letting out my anger. this is all new. i am scared.
  
  
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  i have tried writing a letter to my inner child. but that only made me feel worse.
  i will leave in a few minutes to go with the dogs. i can hold on till then.
  
  
  
• How do I feel right now?
  angry. scared. urgy. needy. scared. scared and god, oh so angry!!
  
  
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  embarrassed, guilty, scared.
  
  
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  i think this is something i will just have to get through. it'll get better. i know this. i just need to hold onto that thought.
  
  
• Do I need to hurt myself?

no. i don'T need to. i can hold on. i can hold on.

Hey Clouds

I wanted to applaud you for thinking it through like this. I read your answers and the most important point that struck me was the idea that you confronting your past is about healing, it's about being able to move on and get better and hurting yourself takes you away from that as you said.

The other thing I wanted to say was to try and go easy on yourself. To me it's not surprising that this made you feel urgey, as you said it's new territory and because of that it's scary, new scary things can often threaten to throw us back into old less healthy mindsets as we try to wrap our brains around them.

You can do this, just take it at a pace that you feel ready to deal with, if it gets too much that's ok, you're allowed to take it slow.

Well done for getting through, I hope the run helps.

Susan

thank you susan. i appreciate the reply.