bus

After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  Yes, this was yesterday morning.
  
  
• what had happened just before?
  I had a post closed on another website for posting very su feelings.
  
  
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  I was really mad at myself and started crying. I couldn't stop. I recognized it turning into a panic attack. I hate panic attacks. I was feeling really hopeless, like I'll never get out of this mental/emotional mess that I'm in. I started feeling su, but I knew I couldn't act on those feelings. It was in the am, so I couldn't call anyone (everyone's at work or school). I was really scared and panicy.
  
  
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  I knew I needed to stop crying and stop feeling su, and that was the only way I chould think of.
  
  
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I could have processed my emotions instead of being scared by them. Instead of thinking "I'm crying and freaking out, I need to stop." I could have thought, "I'm crying and starting to panic. Let's work through this." I could have journalled, called my parents at work, or come here for support to work through some of those emotions.
  
  
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  No.
  
  
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  Not many I must admit. I did take a long shower, but I did that with my tools and si'd in the shower, so I didn't really use it to try to get me to relax. After I si'd, I was still really upset, so at that point I did end up praying, journalling, and coming on here, but the damage to myself had already been done
  
  
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  Calling people, watching TV, journaling, coming here, reminding myself to breathe.
  
  
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  I don't know--I can't answer this question right now.
  
  
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I think so. I feel much less freaked out now. I journaled a lot today and talked with people on im, went to Starbucks and read Lord of the Rings...lots of things that are relaxing for me.
  
  
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  The 2 hours of non-stop crying was new to me, but the panic attacks are becoming more frequent. When they happen when I'm in public, I recognize the signs and get through them by reminding myself to breathe and focussing on the world around me. I need to remember to do that when I'm alone too.
  
  
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

1. Call Mollie.
2. Come on BUS and answer the Before questions.
3. Write my feelings down in my journal.

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  Not that this opportunity was more appealing--it's just always there.
  
  
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  It was just here. I currently live live by myself, so the opportunity is always here.
  
  
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  Breathed through it. Doodled on paper (I often have urges during church, and that's what I do).
  
  
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  Increased.
  
  
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  Being alone is the biggest one. I'm going back to live with my parents soon, so I'll be alone much less. When I do have new tools or the right feeling, it makes urges much harder to resist, but being alone is the major one.
  
  
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

If I really feel like I need to si, not having the opportunity makes me panic. At my parents', though, they respect my privacy...I'm going to practically have my own apartment there, but can always come join them if I'm feeling urgy. I think that way, if I "need" too, I'll know I still can (they've told me as much), but they'll also be really supportive of being there for me, taking opportunities away when I don't want/need to but would have if I were just left to my own devices.

Has journaling signaled a past or present reason these panic attacks are becoming more frequent?