Trigger Happy
Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:49 am
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It'll allivate the feelings in my head that are making it impossible to focus on anything but self-injury right now. By doing that, I'll be able to finish my work and not want to self-injure later, angry that I couldn't do it.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll bring clarity. I feel like a failure, kinda staticy and just worthless. And if I self-injure, I'll feel a lot more clear-headed and I'll be able to do this assingment.
I don't know if it would take away anything. It feels like such a good choice right now.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel okay in the long-run, but it's not going to happen. Honestly, I don't care about it right now. Self-injury isn't going to make me feel like a failure. It's not going to make me feel weak. It'll make me clearer and more able to deal. And I have to get my work done and I can't right now.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It'll be long enough to finish this shit. And once I do that, if I can't focus again, I'll self-injure again to be able to do it. I don't know. I don't know. I HAVE to get this shit done and I can't do it because I keep thinking that I suck so bad because I lost my Science Lab and I'm just....ARGH. And all I can think about is blood and skin and blades.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm filling this out. I'm trying to do my work.
It's not working. I just really think I need to do it.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel better tomorrow if I hurt myself. I love it as long as no one sees. When people see, I feel ashamed. But no one will catch me. And I'll feel clearer and better.
If I do the other thing, I'll feel okay too...but the next trigger is just going to bring back these feelings again and I'll probably SI worse.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to SI right now. I'm best honoring that by, oh, fuck, okay. Here's what I'll do. It's 7:48. If I still want to SI at 7:55, I'll do it. But I'm going to work on this shit until then.
The problem is, I'm writing a conclusion for a lab I LOST. And I don't know if I'm doing it right because I lost it. And if I can't find it, I'm going to fail. So working makes me feel worse.
Hah. I'm sfkajslkfjas.
It'll allivate the feelings in my head that are making it impossible to focus on anything but self-injury right now. By doing that, I'll be able to finish my work and not want to self-injure later, angry that I couldn't do it.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll bring clarity. I feel like a failure, kinda staticy and just worthless. And if I self-injure, I'll feel a lot more clear-headed and I'll be able to do this assingment.
I don't know if it would take away anything. It feels like such a good choice right now.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel okay in the long-run, but it's not going to happen. Honestly, I don't care about it right now. Self-injury isn't going to make me feel like a failure. It's not going to make me feel weak. It'll make me clearer and more able to deal. And I have to get my work done and I can't right now.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It'll be long enough to finish this shit. And once I do that, if I can't focus again, I'll self-injure again to be able to do it. I don't know. I don't know. I HAVE to get this shit done and I can't do it because I keep thinking that I suck so bad because I lost my Science Lab and I'm just....ARGH. And all I can think about is blood and skin and blades.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm filling this out. I'm trying to do my work.
It's not working. I just really think I need to do it.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll feel better tomorrow if I hurt myself. I love it as long as no one sees. When people see, I feel ashamed. But no one will catch me. And I'll feel clearer and better.
If I do the other thing, I'll feel okay too...but the next trigger is just going to bring back these feelings again and I'll probably SI worse.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to SI right now. I'm best honoring that by, oh, fuck, okay. Here's what I'll do. It's 7:48. If I still want to SI at 7:55, I'll do it. But I'm going to work on this shit until then.
The problem is, I'm writing a conclusion for a lab I LOST. And I don't know if I'm doing it right because I lost it. And if I can't find it, I'm going to fail. So working makes me feel worse.
Hah. I'm sfkajslkfjas.
